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| Motivation Information |
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Motivation: 3 Keys to Lasting Change
David Bowie once sang, "Ch-ch-changes, tryin' to face the strain." There are times in life when trying to change can be a strain. If you are like most folks, you have tried to change something in your life. And, like most folks, may have found yourself frustrated when you were unable to change. Perhaps it was a habit, an attitude, or some part of an important relationship. Whatever the issue, try as you might, you were not able to get the changes you wanted. Welcome to the club, it's a big one. Here's the really good news - you can get the changes you want! And it doesn't have to take years and years and cost hundreds or thousands of dollars, two of the more common myths about the process of change. Here's a question - have you ever tried to open a ketchup bottle with a lizard? Of course not. The reason behind that rather odd question is to illustrate how frustrating and silly it is to try to do a job without the proper tools. My job in this column, and as a counselor, is simply to give you some of the tools that I have found useful in helping people get the changes they want in their lives. Today we will look at three key tools for getting the changes you want, whether it's at work or home. Focus on what you want, not what you don't want What do the following statements have in common; "I want to stop smoking", "I want to stop yelling at my kids", "I've gotta stop working so hard", "I need to stop neglecting my marriage." One thing they have in common is they are all statements from clients, in the first session, when I ask them what they would like to be different about their lives. Another thing these statements have in common is that they all focus on what they don't want. Why is that important? Well, think about it for a moment. When you first learned how to throw a ball, were you taught where to throw it to or where to not throw it? Another silly question, really. Of course you were taught to focus on where you wanted the ball to go. In the same way, to achieve the changes you want, focus on what you want, not what you don't want. It's really not that difficult. In the examples above, all we need is a change in wording, which brings a change in focus. Here's a sample of what I mean - "I want to stop smoking" becomes "I want to be smoke free." "I want to stop yelling at my kids" becomes "I want to manage my kids (and myself) better." "I've gotta stop working so hard" becomes "I want to work smarter, not harder, and enjoy life more." "I need to stop neglecting my marriage" becomes "I need to make my marriage a priority." And so on. Focus on one change at a time Trying to change too many things at once dooms you to frustration at best, and failure at worst. You can end up like the side show at the circus. You know the one, where the guy is spinning several plates on a stick, and has to run around to keep them all spinning at once. Eventually, you wear out, quit, and all the plates come tumbling down. When working on changes, especially at first, focus on one area of change at a time. As you get your "psychological feet" under you in one area, move on the next, and then the next, etc. In this way, if you worked on one change a week for a year, that's 50 things you could change in a year, with two weeks off for vacation. Aim for progress, not perfection. Let's say you want to quit smok- oops, I mean become smoke free, for instance. You make it for six days, and then smoke one cigarette. It's important to remember that six days smoke free is progress. Go for six more and then build from there. What you don't want to do is focus on the slip-up, and then give up in frustration. So many times we expect perfection from ourselves when we want to change. That's a sure set-up for failure. Focus on the progress, even if it's one step up and two steps back. Keep going, and eventually you can get to 100 steps up and an occasional step back. Focus on what you want, one change at a time, aim for progress. That's a three part prescription for successful change. Thanks for reading, and keep the change. Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
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Business Management Courage Is A Gift "It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters. -Epictetus, the 1st Century Greek Philosopher How to Make the Most of Being Let Go Being let go; suffering redundancy; experiencing downsizing are all very different ways of saying the same thing. Your employer doesn't want you any more. Suddenly, that place; those people you've been bitching about for years, seems so much more attractive than it did yesterday - and you are going to fight tooth and nail to hang in there. But wait, maybe there's something in you that relishes the chance to move on and do something different. Context-Free Living ... Living Without Boundaries! I know by now that you've heard the terms Debt-Free Living, Disease-Free Living, or an overabundance of other such coined terms for various marketing ploys to sell products and services. However, I'm not here to sell you anything, as what I'm offering, you already have! You just don't know it yet! Get Things Done: Take 21! Ever begin doing something that you do for a few days, and then simply stop doing it? Keeping Your Eyes Wide Open: A Letter to a Grandson One day, a young man was cleaning out his late grandfather's belongings when he came across a bright red envelope. Written on the front were the words, "To my grandson." Recognizing his grandfather's writing, the boy opened the envelope. A letter inside read: Dear Grandson, Develop Guts to Achieve Glory It is just amazing the amount of people who don't have the courage to go after their dreams.They sit around living a life they are not happy with and still they do nothing about it. Hanging On In There - How To Carry On When Your Motivation Is Flagging "I will persist until I succeed. Always will I take another step. If that is of no avail I will take another, and yet another. In truth, one step at a time is not too difficult.... I know that small attempts, repeated, will complete any undertaking." Do You Have Staying Power? "If you are going through hell , keep on going" - Sir Winston Churchill I?ll Do It In A Minute... Or Maybe I Won't 'Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.' Christopher Parker The Easy Way To Lasting Self Motivation Will power alone will never work over the long term. It is the hardest way possible to get yourself to do anything. Ever Feel Like Your Elevator Is Stuck Between Floors? What do you do when you make a big mistake? When you fail? When you suffer defeat? When everything just goes wrong? When serious misunderstandings develop with others? When it appears like there is no way out? When solutions to your problems just seem impossible? What are You Waiting for? Do it now! Whatever it is you have been putting off, do it. This is your life, it is not a dress rehearsal. What is it you have always wanted to do but, for some unknown reason, never quite get to? I am referring to those usually minor desires, not major goals like "get married" or "start a business." Do It Now! "At the end of our lives we never regret at the things we failed at but at the things we hope for but never attempted." Richie Dayo Johnson Full Steam Ahead, Just Dont Go Off Half Cocked! Do you do things that you don't want to do? Do you not do things that you do want to do? Do you find every reason in the book to delay what needs to be done? Would you like to know the secret of getting things done? Then hang on tight, cause this buds for you. Ready, Set, Action! James 2: 17?faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. 24You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone. 10 Ways to Overcome Procrastination: The Challenge for Tomorrow! Did you realize that as much as 47% of the time we spend on-line has nothing whatsoever to do with our work? In 1978 15% of the population stated that they do procrastinate somewhat. Only 1% admitted to chronic procrastination. In 2002 the numbers quadrupled! 60% of people stated that they experience mild to moderate procrastination in their lives and 6% stated that procrastination ruled their lives! In this era of "distraction overdose", make the decision to overcome procrastination by applying some or all of the following techniques. Motivation: Tearing Down Your Own Limitations Q.: I've always been sort of cynical about all this motivational stuff. Lots of rah-rah but no how-to. Now I see all these commercials that talk about no limits, no boundaries, etc. But there are real limits, and I think this stuff misleads a lot of people. What do you think? Do More! Learn More! Create More! Live More! Over the years in America and the west generally, the nature and means of education have dramatically changed. But it is an error to think that before the contemporary era of schooling on a mass scale that no one was deeply or broadly educated. Many in colonial America were exceptionally well-educated, yet largely self-taught or taught by a tutor or mentor. Such was the case with scientist, lawyer, theologian, statesman, patriot and father of seven, Roger Sherman. Being Determined - What Good Will That Do? 'Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.' -- Josh Billings The Dream I Nearly Gave Up Hello again to you my loyal readers. My very first article which I published sometime last year dealt with the topic of positive thinking and success. Today I am going to talk to you about your dreams and what they mean to your life's purpose. I am going to give you a glimpse into my life and how the before-mentioned topic relates to me.
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