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| Motivation Information |
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Nothing More Than Feelings
"How are you Inventing Your Life Today?" the lead story from my last issue of Power & Presence drew comments from several readers. Most of the comments went something like: "I wish I could have the degree of control over my life that you apparently do." I want to say, I wish I had the degree of control over my life that it apparently looks like I have. Earlier this summer, several of my 20-something neighbors who live in the apartments next door had a long and lively conversation in their back yard, which lies just beneath our bedroom window wide open on this particular warmish night. The conversation included beverages of one type or another (I hazarded some guesses), the containers for which, when drained, got thrown (loudly) into a recycle container. These antics took place between 2:30 and 3:30 A.M. I debated for a while whether I should get up, dress, go next door, and have a conversation of my own. After tossing and turning for about 15 minutes, I decided to communicate through my open window. I got up, and I believe in a fairly centered way called out: "Quiet, please." They heard me, I think, since their voices quieted a bit. And while the cans continued to go into the recycles, they did so with perhaps a bit less energy. But the damage was done, the horse out of the barn. What were my chances of getting back to sleep? I tossed and turned for another half-hour but could not find my way back. I got up, walked the house, muttered oaths to myself, and finally began to notice light dawning and birds chirping around 4:45. I lay down again and dozed intermittently between 5 and 8, and eventually got out of bed to face the day, tired, depleted, and still angry. I remembered my story about "Inventing Your Life," and its theme about the meta-communicator being the padding between my feelings and me. There wasn't much padding after a sleepless night. I talked to my husband. I honored my feelings. I even appreciated my neighbors' cluelessness. I mean they're young adults having a summer outdoor party. Okay, it IS the middle of the night, but I may have done similar stuff at that age. But in spite of my best efforts at reclaiming equanimity, I mostly gave myself a pretty hard time about the fact that I'd written that story. Here I was having FEELINGS. I can help others better manage their emotions, so why could not I manage my own? Why could not I make them go away? I re-read my story. It helped. I did not say I wasn't supposed to HAVE feelings, I said I was supposed to be able to be aware enough to notice them and ride their waves. I said I wanted to make behavior choices based on my better instincts instead of acting out the emotion in unconstructive ways. I guessed that I had done that with my partying neighbors. I hadn't been mean-spirited or behaved reactively. "Beyond That" In those moments of upset, I comprehended experientially that centering doesn't take emotions away. On the mat of life, as in aikido, the attack will come. It may come from the outside (my noisy neighbors) or the inside (strong feelings). How will I manage the energy? Will I freeze, fight, fall over, or move in toward the energy and use it wisely? I can be centered and upset. I hope, in fact, I am centered when I'm upset. When I'm centered I will hold the emotional energy differently. In time, as they always do, the feelings died down and transformed, much like the thunderstorm that also passed through that night. By afternoon I was on the actual aikido mat and back to feelings I enjoy having in my body. "Inventing Your Life" is pretty accurate. The option to have or not have feelings is not under my control (at least not yet). The ones I had that night and early morning were not pleasant or wanted, and I could not MAKE them go away. All I could do was sit with them, watch them move through body, mind, and spirit, talk about them to caring friends, and care for myself while I was having them. Soon I will be laughing about that night. (I already am.) And soon I will have a longer conversation with my neighbors in the daylight, when we're all centered, open to dialogue, and able to talk about how we want to live next door to one another. Center does not equal an absence of emotion. Center equals presence with emotion. I am not a bad person because I have strong feelings. Feelings just are; they can in fact control us, or with some watching, waiting and positive intention, we can engage and direct their energy with awareness and purpose. © 2005 Judy Ringer, Power & Presence Training About the Author: Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, specializing in unique workshops on conflict, communication, and creating a more positive work environment. Judy is also a black belt in aikido, and is writing her first book on the connection between aikido, conflict, and living a more purposeful life. To sign up for more free tips and articles like these, visit http://www.JudyRinger.com Note: You're welcome to reprint this article as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the 'about the author' info at the end).
Motivation - Google News |
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Business Management The ONE Question Winners ALWAYS Ask. Over the past several years I have experienced my fair share of success. However, it has not been without its fair share of obstacles and setbacks. I was reflecting upon this recently as I confronted a recent disappointment. Hundreds of emotions raced through my mind as the reality set in that my deepest plans and desires were not going to reach my goals. Finding Your Authentic Path "Deep in their roots, all flowers keep the light." ~ Theodore Roethke A Reality Practice Suggested practice to gain freedom from self-limitation. Motivtion: The Power of Responsibility One of the things I've noticed about successful people is that they have a clear understanding of the relationship between cause and effect in their lives. Successful people understand that if they want something, they have to do all the necessary things to get it. Your Life Just OK? It Doesnt Have To Be That Way! Live the Life You Really Want To Live! I have some questions for you. Are you ready? How would your rate your life on a scale from one to ten; 10 being fantastic and 1 being the worst it could possibly be? Are you happy with the most important aspects of your life? And note that I did not say are you content or are you satisfied. I said are you HAPPY with your life the way it is now? If you are, why are you happy? If you are not, why not? I urge you to be specific when you answer those questions. Thinking for Success - The Same Method Does Not Work For Everyone I am always concerned that there are so many books available on the subject of being successful, but unfortunately many of these books are read and then discarded. About That Dream... About that Dream... Want Real Change in Your Life? Take Action! It's easy to begin a year with analysis: months, days and even years of "thinking." Many of us would like to believe that "reaching goals" begins with an armchair, a self-help book and a beer. But if you really want to see some change, remember that action creates energy. How To Be Motivated To Create The Life Of Your Dreams When it comes to motivating yourself to be a better person, to do better at work or to create a happier family life you need to understand the importance of taking control of your self-talk. You really need to know how to motivate yourself through thick and thin. Motivation-- The Key Is In Your Actions Have you ever read something like this as a "way to increase motivation"? : The P Word... Procrastination A problem many of us are familiar with. Its showing up in your work environment interfering with your daily life.and peace of mind. Motivation; 7 Musings on Motivation 1. Most of us are motivated by one of two things - inspiration or desperation. Most successful people choose inspiration as their motivation. Regret or Passion? Which Will Be Yours? I once attended a retreat on how to live with passion and fulfill one's life's work. The facilitator posed the question, "If money was not an issue, yet you had to work full-time, what would you do?" Answering this question was a turning point for me. Now - years later - I am doing much of what came up in my answer. Are Your Dreams A Day Late And A Dollar Short? One of the greatest challenges facing our ever intensive quest for the impossible dream is to make it across the finish line even if it's only by the skin of our teeth. Many outstanding accomplishments have been started just to see our vision die one foot short of the goal line. Sound familiar? Don't get your knickers in a twist; here's an idea. How to Make Bite Size Resolutions for 2005 It never fails. Another new year approaches. You watch that ball drop in Times Square and you say to yourself, "This year it's going to be different. This year I'm going to make things happen. Look out world here I come!" 12 Reflections on Personal Responsibility Responsibility means being accountable for what we think, say, and do. Personal responsibility involves working on our own character and skill development rather than blaming others for situations and circumstances. It means choosing to design a life that honors our values and purpose. Overcoming Limiting Beliefs It is not just new age hype, studies in the area of quantum physics are leading to a growing acceptance of the theory that we can control the outcome of events by concentrating on changing our thought patterns and focusing on our preferred result. Procrastination Allow me to start this with a quote: STOP! Reading the Headlines and Live Your Own Life First Imagine! 40 is old. The California State Supreme Court has said that when are you are 40, employers can discriminate against employees using this age as the excuse. Fear of Failure The fear of failure is more deadly than failure itself. The fear of failure paints so many imaginary scenarios which petrifies you and renders you immobile. Most folks have buried their dreams because of the fear of failure, which graduates into the fear of stepping out.
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