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| Motivation Information |
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Being Genuinely Curious
Yesterday at the dinner table, my eleven-year-old daughter asked me, "Aren't there times when you absolutely know you are right and the other person is wrong?" She had a disagreement at school that day and believed that her view was the truth. I said, "I used to think I was always right and that other people were wrong. Now I still think I may be right, but I realize that other people know things that I don't. I'm more interested in learning than being right." This month I want to describe how you can use curiosity - a key principle of The Skilled Facilitator and Facilitative Leader approach - to increase your effectiveness. My clients often tell me that learning to be curious has significantly improved their relationships with others and the results they get. Curiosity is the desire to learn. When you are genuinely curious, you assume that other people may have information that you don't have. You also assume that others may see things that you may miss. As a result, you consider your point of view open to change. When I first started practicing the Skilled Facilitator approach, I was not genuinely curious. If people disagreed with me, I was curious about their points of view, but only so that I could use what I learned to better advocate my own point of view. I still believed that I was right and they were wrong. My colleague Peg Carlson made this clear when she said, "Roger, having a disagreement with you is like a war of attrition. I know we'll end up doing what you want. It's just a matter of how long I want to hang in." I was just more sophisticated about hiding my belief, but it still guided my behavior. Does this describe you at times? What I learned then is that it's not enough to ask others about their points of view. If you are not genuinely curious and if you are not interested in seeking valid information, you will use your pseudo-curiosity to control others. And they will figure this out, even if you know how to say the right words such as, "do you see it differently?" or "what problems do you see with my suggestion?" To help her make the transition, my colleague Sue McKinney took to asking herself this question: "What would I say if I were curious?" It's helped many of our clients build their curiosity. When you are genuinely curious, your questions come easily and naturally. When someone gives you negative feedback about your performance, if you are genuinely curious, you can ask, "Can you give me some specific examples of times when I've done that? That would really help me understand better." And if, when you get the examples, you see it differently, then you say so and still remain curious, exploring how the two of you see your performance in different lights. My clients often assume incorrectly that they have to be less vocal about their own point of view to be curious about others' views. Not so. As long as you are as curious about others views as you are passionate about your own, you will be able to use your curiosity to work effectively with others. Sometimes the structures we work in make it more difficult for us to be curious. One of my favorite examples is a client that has a performance management system in which your boss has to approve your direct report's performance evaluation before you can discuss the evaluation with your direct report. This sets up a dynamic in which you can find yourself in a dilemma if you are genuinely curious about how your direct report sees your evaluation of him. If you are curious and find out that your direct report sees his performance more positively, and if you realize that you had missed some important information that would have led you to increase his rating, the system makes it difficult to change the rating that your boss has already approved. As a result, you are likely to control the performance evaluation with your direct report so that you don't learn anything that would lead you to change your mind. This is just one of many examples. As you look around your organization or the organizations you work with, look for other structures or procedures that inhibit curiosity. Next month I'll talk about a related principle underlying our approach - saying what you are thinking, or transparency. © 2005 Roger Schwarz Roger Schwarz, Ph.D., is author of the international bestseller "The Skilled Facilitator: A Comprehensive Resource for Consultants, Facilitators, Managers, Trainers and Coaches" and co-author of the recent "Skilled Facilitator Fieldbook: Tips, Tools, and Tested Methods for Consultants, Facilitators, Managers, Trainers, and Coaches," both available on Amazon.com and via other quality booksellers. You can subscribe on our site to Fundamental Change, Roger Schwarz & Associates' free, monthly ezine: http://www.schwarzassociates.com/ezine_signup.html In exchange for subscribing, you'll receive a link to a free .pdf copy of "Holding Risky Conversations," a chapter from our recently-published fieldbook. We write Fundamental Change to help you create workplaces and communities that are simultaneously highly effective and that improve the quality of life. Every month we: * Address issues important to you as practitioners and leaders
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Business Management Why it Pays to Have a Definite Life Purpose When was the last time you were asked, what is your "Definite Life Purpose"? Comment on Extra Ordinary Men of Our Time Remember during the missions of Apollo. And others we knew every astronaut by name, we made them heroes. We celebrated their bravery. And they were brave too. If you ever get to Alamogordo Space Museum, Lyndon B Johnson Space Center in Houston or Kennedy Space Center and Museum in FL and look at the little tuna cans these guys went up in space in you then know just how brave they were. If you get a chance go to the Pima Air and Space Museum in Tucson AZ and look at the old brave technology you will simply want to relive a little of American technology, guts, glory and challenge. The Secret to this Famous Singers Success It seems the longer think we have, the longer we put off living the life we see in our heads. Starting Over I worked hard for the past 17 years. I felt I had to. 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When we associate images or objects that provide a state of relaxation and joy we create a receptive environment for the unconscious mind to accept powerful motivation and successful results. 5 Great Ways To Overcome Procrastination At Home If you procrastinate at home you may suffer some consequences from disgruntled family members who have to carry your share of the workload. ADHD - Its a Wonderful Life As I usually do over the Holidays, I watched one of my all-time favorite actors in one of my all time favorite movies and that's Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life". Co-starring Donna Reed and made in the 1940s, the movie was not critically acclaimed at the time, but over the years has become a stable of the Holiday Season. 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He is constantly worrying and has little self esteem. Getting Out of the Zone! We've probably all heard the famous movie quip, "why don't you wait here while I slip into something a little more comfortable". It's a comment to make most of our ears (particularly male ones!) stand up on end with the anticipation that the film has actually taken a turn for the better. In real life however, slipping 'into' something more comfortable can often lead to outcomes that are anything other than desirable. Procrastination Allow me to start this with a quote: The Secret Motivation Strategy That Never Fails No matter how much you want to make your dreams come true you still need some practical ways to keep yourself motivated over the long term. You need the ability to keep going in the face of setbacks, disappointments and short-term frustrations. i.e. a motivation technique that works. We Are Trying To... How many times have you heard this in your life? Perhaps you have said it yourself. We are trying to accomplish something here. We are trying to complete this programme. We are trying to change the attitudes of our employees. We are trying to finish so we can go on holiday. We are trying to get fit. We are trying to diet. We are trying to give up smoking/drinking/eating donuts or whatever.
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