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| Motivation Information |
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Explanations... or Excuses?
Which of the following "explanations" have you heard (or used!) in the past few weeks? * I need to reward myself for being so good. * The boss hates me. * It's been too hot (too cold, too rainy) to exercise * Of course I have problems. I'm a middle child. * It was the alcohol talking. It's pretty obvious that the above "explanations" are basically excuses for avoiding responsibility. Your "inner brat" uses such excuses to justify overeating, underachievement and saying hurtful things. Next look at the following. They almost seem like plausible explanations: * Sorry I'm late again. There was a lot of traffic. * I haven't had a chance to call her back. It's been crazy around here. * I never went to college because my parents did not encourage me. * I did not want to hurt your feelings. * I can't seem to get things done because of my ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). But these, too, are still excuses, not explanations. If you examine the above statements more closely, you will find that they are not entirely explanatory, and are easily challenged. For example: * Being chronically late is not caused by traffic; it's caused by not leaving enough time for travel. * If a phone call is important enough, a person will almost always find the time. * Lack of parental encouragement may have some influence on one's life, but eventually we all have choices to make about investing our time and energy. * Most of the time people avoid confrontation not to protect someone else's feelings, but to protect their own. * People with ADHD need to work harder to stay focused but this does not mean they cannot complete their tasks. A true explanation shows a cause-and-effect relationship: Situation X caused Consequence Y. Excuses masquerade as explanations, but are really distortions of the truth. Excuses include following elements: 1. They usually blame other people or external circumstances -- e.g., "I hit him because he made me mad," or "You're too sensitive," or "It was just my bad luck." 2. When they blame oneself, they usually invoke a personal trait or limitation -- e.g., "I'm not good at keeping track of bills," or "You KNOW I never remember details," or "I have no self-discipline." 3. They minimize the impact of insults, breaches of trust, and harm to others -- e.g., "Everybody does it." or "Why are you so upset? It's no big deal" 4. They attempt to absolve the excuse-maker of personal responsibility. 5. They seem to make more sense after the fact, than they would have beforehand -- e.g., you might rationalize, "I deserved that pound of Godiva chocolates because I worked hard all day." But would it really make sense to say, "If I work hard today the best reward for my efforts is a pound of Godivas?" It's very tempting to make excuses. In fact it is one of your inner brat's favorite strategies. Excuses serve to protect you from facing your own shortcomings. They also try to keep other people from noticing your limitations. Excuses are a way of saying, "I'm really a good person, but . . ." At the same time, however, excuses are only a temporary, quick fix. You may feel better for the moment, but in the long run you are dissatisfied with yourself. No one has ever felt uplifted by making an excuse. Facing the truth is sometimes difficult, but it gives you the opportunity to take charge, to make positive decisions and to gradually eliminate the need for excuses. Here are some tips: 1. Face the fact that you screwed up. For minor transgressions, it's not the end of the world. For major problems, your excuse isn't going to reverse the situation anyway. Things are what they are, and you can only move forward from there. 2. Apologize. Acknowledge that it was your own fault. Keep it simple; e.g., "I'm sorry I'm late. I did not allow enough time for traffic problems." Notice how this example starts with the word "I" in the explanation. 3. Offer to make amends; e.g., "I won't let it happen again," or "Is there some way I can make this up to you?" 4. Learn from the experience. Make a decision about how you will handle this or similar situations in the future. 5. Write down your decision and treat it as a promise to yourself. This is especially useful for excuses you make to yourself, such as when you rationalize procrastination or abandoning your exercise program. Copyright Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. 2005. All rights reserved Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Wildcat Canyon Press, 2004) She is also a life coach. Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.
Motivation - Google News |
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Business Management Motivation; 7 Musings on Motivation 1. Most of us are motivated by one of two things - inspiration or desperation. Most successful people choose inspiration as their motivation. How Are You Feeling? Its More Of A Brain Question Than You Think How you respond to How are You reveals a great deal about you. Nobodys Perfect Being human is being fallible. Evolution determines that we all are naturally different. The one constant in our lives and nature is that things will change. A feature or solution that seemed perfect a moment ago isn't now - because everything is constantly changing to solve current problems. Perfection cannot be achieved because of change. Change 101: How to Get the Changes You Desire Here's a bold statement: Ignite Your Life! Where have you come from this past year? What have you accomplished? Don't like the answers? Wish you had better ones, more fulfilling ones? You can - just one year from now! How To Overcome Procrastination Quickly And Easily Maybe it is time to discover a new way to overcome procrastination and get motivated. Discover the Hidden Power of Self Motivation Many studies have been done to research the effects of motivation and mental health. As the implications of helping those with negative self-esteem, depression and anxiety are immense this is certainly an area of research that deserves a great deal of attention. Self Confidence : The Importance of Will-Power The importance of will-power is recognized by most men, yet few deliberately give any time or thought to its development. Why we resist one thing and yield to another may be due to "the strongest motive," but what more particularly concerns us in the study of self-confidence is in what way this mighty power can be built and directed. The Day Your Life Will Change for Good! Many people long for a better life. In fact, I think it is innate to humans to desire a better life. Wherever we are at we look beyond and dream of a better place. That is good, and that is not so good. It is good because the dream is alive and we can see, even if it is far off, a better situation for us, our families and our businesses and communities. So why is it not good? It is not good because it is not yet a reality! A dream is no good if it is only a dream. Sure a dream can make you feel good but long-term, if you don't pursue it and make it a reality, it will cause you frustration more than anything. But there is hope! Are Your Dreams A Day Late And A Dollar Short? One of the greatest challenges facing our ever intensive quest for the impossible dream is to make it across the finish line even if it's only by the skin of our teeth. Many outstanding accomplishments have been started just to see our vision die one foot short of the goal line. Sound familiar? Don't get your knickers in a twist; here's an idea. Get Things Done: Take 21! Ever begin doing something that you do for a few days, and then simply stop doing it? Quick Steps To Handle Setbacks Looking for a way to handle a setback? Are You A Visionary Dreams may seem unimportant in your quest for success. And it's true that ordinary dreams are often a mix of what happened during your day --plus some "wild" random associations. Stick With the Winners Here is an interesting quotation from Stephen Walsh. Motivation: If Today Were the Last of All Days "If today were the last of all days........" - Marilyn Scott Achieving Your Dreams While most people spend most of their lives struggling to earn a living, a much smaller number seem to have everything going their way. Instead of just earning a living, the smaller group is busily working at building and enjoying a fortune. Everything just seems to work out for them. And here sits the much larger group, wondering how life can be so unfair, so complicated and unjust. What's the major difference between the little group with so much and the larger group with so little? Christian Gladiators? Athletics as a Metaphor for the Christian Lifestyle When Paul first arrived in Corinth in the middle of his second missionary journey, Acts 18:2-3 reports that he joined Aquila and Priscilla in the occupation of making tents. This fits in well with what Paul himself wrote at about that same time. For example, in 1 Thess. 1:9, he says: "Surely you remember, brothers, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you." Similarly, in 2 Thess. 3:7-8, Paul states: "We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat any one's food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you." Lights are Off and No One is Home The other day I was on my way home, and for some reason all the traffic lights were out. It was 5pm, so needless to say it was rush hour, and pure chaos. 5 Motivation Killers and How To Avoid Them Motivation is an oft-discussed subject, particularly with regards to whether or not it is something that can be "taught." Some people believe that motivation is something that can be "caught" like a virus, whilst others (myself included) believe that motivation is something that has to have start from within, and for personal reasons. Knowledge Or Action It's been said that knowledge is power. While that's true to an extent, it isn't the whole truth. Knowledge without action is almost useless. It doesn't help to be a genius if you never do anything with the knowledge. I tend to think of knowledge as ammunition and action as a gun. (It's a typical guy thought, I know but it works for me.) Think about it. If you have bullets and no gun, they're pretty much useless. If you have a gun and no bullets, the best you can do is throw (action) the gun at the target. Not as useless as the bullets (knowledge) since action without knowledge is more productive than knowledge without action
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