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Keeping Your Anger Under Control
In my work with individuals and couples, I see many people who have a difficult time expressing and managing angry feelings. Let's take a look at what causes people to become angry and how they can respond to stressful situations more productively. What Is Anger? Many people think that anger is caused by hormonal changes or brain activity. This is only partly true. Researchers have found that while hormones play a role in an angry response, there is always a cognitive (thinking) component. Some people think that humans are innately aggressive or warlike. While our behavior is sometimes hostile toward others, anger is not part of our basic nature. Frustration may lead to aggression, but it is not inevitable. Some people respond to frustrating events with anger, while others don't. Anger is only one response to frustration. In many cultures, people are taught to respond to frustration in other ways. Since Freud's day, psychologists have disagreed about the value of venting feelings. It may surprise you to know that today's research shows that expressing anger often results in more irritation and tension rather than feeling more calm. Why Expressing Anger Can Be Bad for You Giving vent to anger can produce the following kinds of harmful effects: ? Your blood pressure increases. ? The original problem is worse rather than better. ? You come across as unfriendly and intimidating. ? The other person becomes angry with you as a result of your behavior. Physical Effects of Anger Heart. Researchers at Stanford University have found that of all the personality traits found in Type A patients, the potential for hostility is the key predictor for coronary disease. The combination of anger and hostility is the most deadly. Stomach and intestines. Anger has a very negative effect on the stomach and has even been associated with the development of ulcerative colitis. Nervous system. Anger is bad for you because it exaggerates the associated hormonal changes. Chronic suppressed anger is damaging because it activates the sympathetic nervous system responses without providing any release of the tension. It is a bit like stepping down on a car's accelerator while slamming on the brakes. Why We Get into the Anger Habit Anger is our response to stress. Many times we feel anger to avoid feeling some other emotion, such as anxiety or hurt. Or we may feel angry when we are frustrated because we want something and can't have it. Sometimes, feeling angry is a way of mobilizing ourselves in the face of a threat. Anger may be useful because it stops (blocks) stress. Here are two examples: 1. You are rushing all day in your home office to meet an impossible deadline. Your daughter bounces in after school and gives you a big hug as you furiously type on your computer. You snap, "Not now! Can't you see I'm busy?" 2. You have just finished taking an important exam. You have studied for weeks and the result is very important to your career. You fantasize all the way home about dinner at your favorite Italian restaurant. When you get home, your husband has prepared a steak dinner for you. You yell, "Why don't you ask me before you just assume you know what I want?" This explains why people often respond with anger when they experience the following kinds of stress: ? Anxiety ? Being in a hurry ? Being overstimulated ? Being overworked ? Depression ? Fatigue ? Fear ? Feeling abandoned or attacked ? Feeling forced to do something you don't want to do ? Feeling out of control ? Guilt, shame, or hurt ? Loss ? Physical pain What to Do Instead of Getting Angry Here are some constructive things can you do to reduce stress-instead of becoming angry: ? Beat a pillow with a tennis racket. ? Cry. ? Do relaxation exercises. ? Get physical exercise. ? Listen to your favorite music. ? Make a joke. ? Play games. ? Say it out loud. ? State your needs assertively. ? Take a nap. ? Tell a friend about it. ? Work. ? Write about it. Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.
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Business Management Live With An Attitude Of Gratitude Imagine for a moment one of those nights when you just can't fall asleep and you have to get up early the next morning for a very important meeting of which you are the keynote speaker. Your alarm clock goes off early in the morning waking you from what little sleep you had. You stumble out of bed, have a quick shower, grab a coffee and some toast, and off you go to fight the traffic on the way to work. Are You Too Critical? First of all, criticalness breaks up more relationships, than anything else. And that criticalness is usually over the children or money! The Power of Storytelling Each and every day as we are building our businesses, we all know the key to a successful presentation is a product being sold to the end-line consumer and/or sponsoring a new person. In this article, I am going to show you the difference between making a sale and having customer loyalty in the sales process. In the sales process, you are fighting many different types of animals. For most of us who are in direct sales, you have 45 minutes to present a product/business concept and make a person believe in you, your product, and more importantly have them make a decision that they want what you are offering. The Difference Between Approval and Appreciation Having worked with individuals, couples, families and business partners for 35 years, helping them learn to resolve conflict, I have often been faced with the difficulties that occur when people are confused about the difference between approval with appreciation. Have you ever wondered about the difference between approval and appreciation? Most of us have never actually thought about it, yet if we do think about it, we realize that we feel very differently when we receive approval as opposed to receiving appreciation. There are good reasons for this. Have a World-Changing Conversation I know what you are thinking? "Here I am, completely stressed out and overworked, and here's Barbara telling me that I can change the world by having a conversation! Really?the heat must have fried her brain?" Living In The Now I hope you are sitting down as you read this! You cannot begin to work on this kind of subject without addressing the subject of time itself and when was the last time you did that? What Can Be Changed In Management To Improve Bottom Line Results? If you don't have the full support and understanding of key management positions, any organizational changes being made are going to be thwart with difficulties. It is up to CEOs and Presidents to champion the cause and ensure their managerial teams are also in full support, so that it can filter down through the ranks more smoothly. Floating In Mindfulness: Dealing With Disappointment Feeling disappointed? It's time to float. Why Pacing and Leading is for Wimps! Okay, you have read some books on body language and they all said you must mirror and match, pace and lead.... Encourage Personality Testing I was asked the other day : "Kate, is personality testing novelty, frivolity, or common sense?" 101 Winning Choices Personal missions statements (PMS) are just nothing but the winning choices. Our mind can program us in such a way that success ratio in personal, social & professional life changes drastically. Relaxation Couldnt Be Simpler Many people use their sofa and TV to help them 'switch off and relax'. In reality, television programs can suspend you n stress for yours, with depressing or thrilling storylines, violence and madness! Coaching Can Help Teachers At A Crossroads In Their Careers Teachers enter the profession with the desire to help others, but after years in the field it can lose its luster. If it's no longer offering satisfaction the way it once did find out how you can get the joy back. How Does Sports Coaching Differ from Corporate Coaching? Athletes Versus Employees Finding Peace: A Taste of Mindfulness When we are ill and don't know it, we are in a state of ignorance or delusion. We don't view ourselves as sick, so we don't believe it's necessary to go to a doctor or take any medication. We fail to recognize our own need for care and support. It's All To Do With The Way You Wake Up Do you start your day with anger, frustration and annoyance at the alarm and the need to get up? Do you wake up hoping the day will go away and you can get back to sleep? Have you lost the fun? The confidence to have a go at things. Are you struggling along? Are you just going through the rituals of life? Are you just doing enough at work? Doing what is necessary because you think you 'ought, should, must do this for the sake of others? Do you feel all washed up and no one is interested in you? Do you feel devoid of vibrancy, and sense of purpose, an aimless victim buffeted by the winds of change? It's all to do with the way you wake up. Your Silent Voice of Experience "I can't wait!" she exclaimed over the phone. The anticipation in her voice was evident as we scheduled a time to meet and discuss her new fund raising project. This client had a gigantic goal. She also needed lots of information in order to begin. A World of Possibility When I started my sales career over 25 years ago, I worked for a small company selling telephone answering equipment. Hard to believe it but in those days I had to explain to prospects what the equipment was for and why they might want to use it. The Executive Coaching Contract Having found a coach you feel comfortable and excited about working with, the next step is to discuss and sign the coaching contract or agreement. This is vital to ensure that both coach and client are clear from the outset about what is expected. How to Choose the Right Coach for You So you want to hire a coach but with so many choices it's easy to feel overwhelmed. How do you find the coach that is right for you? It can seem like a daunting task so here are some guidelines to help you make the right decision for you.
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