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Dealing Effectively with Midlife Issues
In this article we would like to help you explore the challenges and opportunities that come at midlife. You will have an opportunity to take a look at issues that are specific to the Baby Boomer generation. You will also have a chance to begin the process of your own midlife assessment with a list of questions presented at the end of the newsletter. We call this assessment the Midlife Checkup. Benefits of the Midlife Checkup Taking the time to assess how your life is going at this point can result in benefits such as these: ? It can help you identify and intensify your inner strengths. ? You can find your own voice and express it your own way. ? You can accept your changing physical self. ? It is an opportunity to forgive those with whom you've been angry. ? It can help you find ways to reduce stress. ? You can learn to simplify your life. ? You can reenergize yourself in preparation for the second half of your life. The Baby Boomers The Baby Boomer generation is at midlife right now. This generation includes almost 78 million Americans born between 1946 and 1964. The Boomers are the largest generation in U.S. history. They have had a major impact on American society as they have passed through every life stage. They are passing through midlife in their own unique way, differently from their parents and differently from Generation X, the group born in the years after 1964. The first Boomer turned 50 at the beginning of 1996, and the remaining 78 million will observe this anniversary sometime between now and 2014. Typical Feelings According to Rocking the Ages authors J. Walker Smith and Ann Clurman (researchers at Yankelovich Partners) and authors like Gail Sheehy, people passing through middle age typically experience the following kinds of feelings. Great expectations: Most Boomers are beginning to recognize their own limitations. Growing up in the comfortable 1950's, the Boomers learned to expect unlimited growth and endless possibilities. They believed their good luck would never end. Now that they are turning 50, many are shocked to discover that there are limits to life's possibilities. Regret: As people reach midlife, they must face up to the loss of some of their dreams and regret the mistakes they have made. It is not easy for anyone to face the person one will never be. Loss: At midlife, everyone has to face the loss of beauty and youth, valued by our society. In her book New Passages, author Gail Sheehy calls this experience "The Body Blues" or "The Vanity Crisis." Meaning: According to Sheehy, the "universal preoccupation" of the middle years is "the search for meaning in whatever we do." As they face the fact that time is limited, the Baby Boomers typically become even more intent on this need to analyze and search for significance. Change: The midlife years can be a time of radical change for many people. This is the result of endless questioning and evaluation of how one has lived life thus far. Many midlife crises become mid-life meltdowns, says Sheehy, because some people react to feelings of emptiness or disillusionment by destroying everything they have built. The Boomers developed a value system that is based on a sense of entitlement and which values individuality. Because they hold these values, Boomers respond differently to each life stage than do other generations. You can see these values reflected in scenes like those from television shows from the 1950s and early 60s. According to Smith and Clurman, four important characteristics of the Baby Boomer value system are: Self-absorption: The Boomers (once called the "Me" Generation) have the reputation of being more narcissistic than other generations. Because of the times they grew up in, they have always been fascinated with themselves. The indulgence they experienced at home in the 1950s and the world's seemingly limitless possibilities created a fascination with self and a feeling of specialness. Sense of entitlement: As a generation, the Boomers see themselves as superior to others. They have always assumed that they could have life their way and that the rules were meant for others, but not for them. They feel entitled to rewards and view themselves as winners. They expect success and cannot accept failure. Need for control: The Boomers need to feel certain and to sense that they are in control of life. They have a difficult time dealing with uncertainty. Reflection: Baby Boomers have always valued introspection and take pleasure in asking questions. For most people, life at age 45 or 50 doesn't match the dreams they had at age 20 or 30. When people reach age 45 or 50 and are even slightly disappointed by their achievements and experiences, their feelings are likely to be compounded by these factors of self-absorption, sense of entitlement, and a need for control. But there is also a positive side to this. The tendency to reflect and explore can help one look for new possibilities instead of being stuck with feelings of disappointment. Keep all of this in mind as you complete the Midlife Checkup. It is a list of 29 unfinished sentences that will help you assess your life to date. The items on this list provide a framework for conducting your own assessment. Please add your own ideas that you think will help you reflect on your life's direction. The Midlife Checkup 1. My most important accomplishments are... 2. I am disappointed about... 3. I would describe the person I turned out to be as... 4. I want to change the following things about my self and my life... 5. Things I want to do before I die... 6. If I knew I could not fail, I would... 7. Things I have mastered... 8. Things I want to keep... 9. I want to keep these relationships... 10. I want to let go of these relationships... 11. I want to keep these possessions... 12. I want to let go of these possessions... 13. I want to have these experiences... 14. I want to clean up these messes... 15. I want to celebrate... 16. I don't ever again want to... 17. My body is... 18. My children are... 19. My parents are... 20. My spouse is... 21. I want to remember... 22. I want to forget... 23. I must apologize to... 24. I must seek an apology from... 25. I am most proud of... 26. I wish I could forget about... 27. I wish I could do over... 28. I wish I had never... 29. I wish I had... 30. Add your own items Garrett Coan is a professional therapist, coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.
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Business Management Bringing Forgiveness Down To Earth What does it mean to forgive? Why a Self Help Book May Not Help You For a self help book to work, we have to read right it through to the end. While this may seem like a no-brainer, many people never finish reading books that they buy. In fact many people never read a book after they finish high school. Addiction to Blame Allen consulted with me because his wife of 18 years had threatened to leave him if he did not stop blaming her all the time. He admitted to frequently blaming her in a variety of situations. He blamed her if he thought she made a mistake, if he thought she was wrong about something, if he was feeling alone, or even if he had a bad day at work. He blamed her for asking him questions when he did not know the answer. He would sometimes even blame her if his golf game was off. He always blamed her when he felt judged by her, or when he did not get her approval. While he freely admitted that he blamed her, he could not seem to stop, and he had no idea why he blamed her. Listening Skills In Relationships Recently, when out to dinner with another couple, my husband is surprised at what someone says about one of our neighbors. He even comments this to the person about his amazement. Less than one week later, my husband comments to me he wonders about this very situation. After asking him, "Well don't you remember Sean told you that?" "No. I must have been in a conversation with someone else then." I just torque my jaws and change the subject because I just don't want to have this conversation about listening again. Think, Pause & Talk There are two kinds of peoples we generally face in every walk of life Make a Decision and Take Action! How are you progressing with the goals you set yourself this year? How to Create Your Ideal Life - Excerpt from Individual Power When I lost it all, I felt powerless. During my darkest hours, I wrote letters to God asking "why?" I received answers in writing. The X-factor Would you agree that today most of us have the same set of opportunities and the same set potential? How Can Sceptics Get the Proof They Need Are you one of those folks that needs to figure-it-out all the time? Are you one of those Law of Attraction students who catches yourself saying things like, "I wonder how this is going to come to me?" or, "What do I need to figure out so I know what to do next (to manifest what I desire)?" Attention Law of Attraction Students! Masterminding Success - How to Start a Masterminding Meeting? Masterminding is about a group of like-minded, achievement-oriented individuals who come together to combine the power of several minds to tackle problems, seek advice and perspectives in achieving their goals. Coaching Can Help Teachers At A Crossroads In Their Careers Teachers enter the profession with the desire to help others, but after years in the field it can lose its luster. If it's no longer offering satisfaction the way it once did find out how you can get the joy back. Success: Cant Achieve It By Yourself? Pay A Professional! So many people go through the motions of trying to achieve success. But just going through the motions doesn't work. And while you may fool a few people for a little while, you can't fool yourself. If you truly want to be successful and can't achieve success by yourself, do the smart thing and pay a professional to help you. The Mid-Life Challenge: Make a Plan to Re-ignite Vocational Passion Nobody will stop you in the hallway at work to ask if your career provides meaning and personal fulfillment. Recognizing that something's missing in your vocational life and taking the initiative to change must come from within. Becoming An Information Filter And A Knowledge Sponge As the title states, "Become an Information Filter and a Knowledge Sponge." On your daily journey to achieve your WHY, you will travel through many different avenues and sometimes you will ask yourself, "Why do I need to meet this person or experience this situation?" The key is to truly understand that you must become an information filter and use your personal God-given filters -- your eyes and your ears. I always say that you were born with 4 inputs (2 eyes, 2 ears) and 1 output (mouth). How to Hire a Coach Improve Your Life! How to Hire A Coach. Among the Purpose & Personality I have one magical thought, lets see it more closely. Every one has purpose of life. Some holds good for self, family, a society, state, nation, religion, world, etc. Coaching is Asking the Right Questions Have you ever known anyone who asked themselves "Why me?" over and over every time something happened they did not like? Or how about, "What did I do to deserve this?" And my favorite, "Whose fault was that?" Perhaps, these questions have popped into your head once or twice before. Coaching vs. Directing - How Does Improv Theater Suggest You Should Lead Your Team An age old battle in improv that I believe resonates well with challenges we experience in the business world is the question of whether a team should have a coach or a director (in which case it should be called an ensemble). In addition there's the third option of the self coached team, which I will call committee from here on forward. Purpose Many people go through much of their lives without really thinking about their purpose. I don't mean a lofty, philosophic, and often unrealistic purpose that has us striving to save the world or solve the challenge of poverty throughout the world (although these are both admirable for those whose true purpose is to do so). What I am talking about is the individual and unique purpose that drives and grounds us. The one thing that gives meaning to our lives and motivates us to achieve our potential. Viewpoints - Communication Destruction Or.... Viewpoints! Everyone has them and they are personal. However, when you believe that only your view is correct, you shut out other people and do not listen to the facts they are giving.
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