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Two Pillows and One Dead Husband
That's what I needed when I delved deeply into my first acting class. I was 60 years old and had a lifetime of experiences behind me but anger or rather the act of reacting to it was not in my skill set. The teacher was working on my scene with me. It was a very dark Mamet piece and I needed to show anger at a spouse leaving me. I had nowhere to draw from, no frame of reference to entice the anger from my soul. So, my teacher asked about an incident in my past that could evoke some negative, potentially angry memory. I could think of only one. My husband died when our children were eight and eleven. He had colon cancer and I had made the decision to have him die in comfort with his family at home. It was a good decision, one which the children and their father and I fully participated in. When the time grew close and it was clear that my husband was dying we gathered close to him and talked him through it. It was beautiful, really. But, as time passed after he died I was kept from peace by the thought that my husband had never thanked me/us for having kept him at home to die. I never asked it of him but somewhere inside I had expected as much. When the time came in the scene work for me to find a way to get in touch with inner anger I grabbed two pillows and hit a chair with them repeatedly while saying words that revealed my anger and disappointment at the loss of the final thank you from my husband. It worked, the scene went beautifully. In my own coaching practice I see people with small parts of themselves disappointed at the behavior of others. I suggest that they deal with it so that they do not have to wait for two pillows and a dead husband to get it all out. Paulette has a background of Business and Human Resources. Her personal passion is travel with trips to Africa, China and Europe as her focus. Her latest endeavor is launching a Life Coach Business and she can be found at: http://www.pauletteterry.com
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Business Management Ten Benefits of Having a Relationship Coach As a Master Certified Relationship Coach, I work with singles to help them attract a great match and with couples to help put their relationships back on track. I hear great feedback from my clients about the value of coaching. Getting What You Need: Ask For Help! "Fortune befriends the bold." - John Dryden Think Twice Before Youre Nice A few months back I had a disturbing dream. In my dream a woman with stringy blonde hair rang my bell. She asked if she could come in. I did not want to open the door. But I felt guilty about my reaction. So I let her in. She pulled out a hand gun and shot me. I woke with a start and a racing heart. I clutched my pillow and my life. My inner voice spoke immediately and sharply. "Politeness kills," it said. This was an extreme way to let me know I had to honor my boundaries. I've never liked the word "boundaries." It sounds like barbed wire or armored trucks. But I do like the feeling of listening to my intuition, respecting my inner instructions. And it feels appropriate and sacred to be mindful of my gold. I see many creative, incredible individuals who leak their strength and focus with amorphous personal boundaries. We want to be nice, helpful, and well-liked. But bear in mind that your time and attention are your personal reserves of oxygen and hydration. Time and attention create your life's dreams. Dreams keep your soul alive and contribute to all of humanity. I'd like you to create your life's dreams. That's why I'd like you to reflect on where you put your time and attention. You have a Responsibility to Yourself. You have a mission here. You have sacred work to do. No one but you knows what you came for. The people in our lives may not appreciate the work we feel compelled to do, the dreams we wish to give birth to. They may fling casual, loose, social standards your way, just like tossing horseshoes at a backyard barbecue. I used to have a hard time saying no to lunch dates and coffee. People would often say to me, "You have to eat, right?" and I'd feel found out and exposed, like I was hiding time from this person. And then I'd eat with them--and eat my heart out at the same time. Of course they were wonderful people. Of course I got value out of the time together. But that doesn't mean anything. I'd get value out of reading about the history of socks, too. But I had something specific I yearned to do. I wanted to write a book. I ached when I did not write. Every time I said yes to a lunch date, I said no to my dream. That became too wounding. I learned to say "No." It's not selfish to want to give time to your dream. Your dream will give love and energy into this world. I often think about the people I esteem in life. Mother Teresa had a guiding mission. Martin Luther King had a burning cause. They did not squander their energy or time by being polite. They gave in huge ways because they said no to little things. It's not Selfish to be Honest "I don't want to be selfish," said a client of mine recently who admitted not wanting to get together with a friend. "She needs me." Now there are times when someone needs us and we feel called to be there. That's wonderful. When we're called, it feels good to be there. It doesn't feel like an obligation. It feels like a secret mission or a privilege. But more often than not, someone "needs" us and we're afraid to decline. Here's the thing though. You can't change your feelings. When you truly don't want to do something, it's not doing anyone any favors to lie. Your energy doesn't lie. If you do something you don't want to do, you may just end up being late, angry, sarcastic, withdrawn, and, in general, as mild-mannered as a jackal or a jalapeno pepper. That ride to the airport will be no joyride. And nobody will get what they wanted. What if you could trust your feelings? What if you knew that if you honored your own needs, you would naturally increase your generosity? What if it's okay to just love what you love and dislike what you dislike and gravitate where you are drawn? Why do we secretly think we are being ruthless? What if we are being elegant? What if we are daring to live gracefully by daring to listen to our inner voice? What makes you think that your persistent feelings are wrong? I trust that your soul is pure and precious and knows your highest purpose. And I hope you listen to its promptings more than some sick, guilt-inducing nagging, sagging voice that makes you feel burdened inside. One voice will make you feel heavy and one will make you feel light. One is thudding in the wrong direction. And one is turning right. Your Real Relationships will Support the Real You Often times we're afraid to honor our boundaries, because we don't want to upset the people around us. Indeed some people will balk at your limits and may even suggest that your decreased availability is the first sign of Satan worship or advanced Narcissism. But real relationships support the real you. I have no doubt that my friends would prefer to hear from me more often than they do. But they prefer my authenticity and happiness even more. That's why they're true friends. Some individuals who seem to demand the most of us are energy vampires. They feed on your warmth and pay no heed to your needs. They will demand that you be giving. And you will never give enough. Recently while driving to Northern California where I had a speaking engagement, I decided to stop for a quick break. I chose to wander into a small boutique with painted scarves in its windows. When I got into the shop, the owner started telling me about the sales she had going. I nodded politely. She continued to tell me about the rugs she had imported from Turkey and I found myself hanging on every word though I did not want any rugs or details of her trip. Her enthusiasm kept me paralyzed. I only had a few minutes to stop here and look around. Finally, I excused myself and walked away. The owner followed me and kept talking. She refused to give me space. That's when I walked out of the shop. I decided I did not need to indulge someone who was not respecting me. I breathed in the salt air of that gorgeous ocean town and skipped back to my car. I felt like a fly who had escaped a spider's web. *** Always be kind. But think twice before you are "nice." Nice, is often a mask of pleasantness we put over negative feelings. Nice is often a form of self-rejection. Real kindness feels good. It's when we give because we want to give and we give in ways that respect everyone, including us. If you want to give to others, give truly. Give the exceptional gift of taking care of yourself and tending to your dreams. Give the love that can only come from you expressing your unrivaled talents and devotions on this earth. Follow your calling and draw lines when you must. Doing what matters should never be sacrificed for a false idea of manners. The Right Time and Place (Channelled) Aim For Your Star "Aim for your star, no matter how far, you must reach high above and touch your life with love, you must never look back, but charge on! Attack! See your goal your star of desire, see it red hot, feel it burning, you must be obsessed with it to make it your true yearning, be ready my friends for when you truly believe it, you will certainly achieve it and by all of God's universal laws you will always receive it!" Bob Smith (American editor, author, founder of Orison Swett Marden Foundation) Two Leadership Strategies: Don't Lose Your Mind & Be a Coach Are you feeling overwhelmed, a lack of confidence or under a ton of pressure? Are you trying too hard to make something work and focusing too much on trying to fulfill other people's needs and expectations? You may have "lost your mind!" Reduce Anxiety About Decison Making What's the alternative to making decisions? Take a Chance, Win a Prize I think that we're all probably familiar with the fairground rant 'take a chance, win a prize'. Whenever I hear this call to action, I immediately break out into a cold sweat. Whether the test is to knock down 6 cans in pyramid formation or to throw a dart at a balloon, I'm there, almost hypnotically, pulling coins out of my pocket. And it doesn't really matter what prizes are on offer either. It could be stuffed panda bears, bubble makers or even Velcro wallets. What's important to me is rising to the challenge and having a go. How to Get More Business Without Even Trying Why are you in business? Hopefully you enjoy what you do, however is it because you want to make money so that you can have, be and do more in your life? Gullibles Travels A journey by a web-footed gull through a sea of sharks. What Do You Have To Give? "Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It's a mental attitude. It comes from appreciating what we have, instead of being miserable about what we don't have. It's so simple-yet so hard for the human mind to comprehend." ~ Bits & Pieces Managing Your Perfectionism What Is Perfectionism? What The Buddha Says About Coaches There is a Buddhist saying that goes like this: Stay Connected To WHY You Are Doing Things "The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work." Richard Bach Are You Seduced by The Dark Side of Wealth Creation? Get-Rich-Quick Scammers With the growing number of expert business people, consultants and coaches keen to make money from multiple streams of income I thought I'd share a WARNING to help you spot genuinely useful information from dangerous scams. Going Beyond Life Coaching In Corrogue the air is chill and the frost is on the ground. 4 Steps to Successful Goal-Setting Successful people have always had clear, focused goals that guide them to greatness. Transitions: Moving Through Change With Grace MOVING THROUGH CHANGE Creating Supportive Environments I'm writing this on my laptop in a Cosi caf in Dupont Circle in Washington, D.C. The reason I am here has nothing to do with me or my business, but the reason I can continue to be successful in my work is because I have set myself up to do so. How? By creating supportive environments. In this case, the laptop, the appropriate software, and the ability to connect to the Internet, as well as the support of my husband, all contribute positively to my accomplishment of the task: writing and submitting this column on deadline and without stress. How Can Sceptics Get the Proof They Need Are you one of those folks that needs to figure-it-out all the time? Are you one of those Law of Attraction students who catches yourself saying things like, "I wonder how this is going to come to me?" or, "What do I need to figure out so I know what to do next (to manifest what I desire)?" Attention Law of Attraction Students!
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