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Dare To Be Inconsistent, Lopsided, And Totally Courageous
I was talking to one of my coaching clients and she was talking about not being able to stay with a meditation practice, so she gave up meditating altogether. "I'm either gung ho all the way or I don't show up at all," she said in disgust. We were talking on an evening when she "hadn't shown up at all." She had washed dishes instead. You would have thought she had mutilated small children. And gauging the self-attack that followed, I don't think that meditation would have helped. The Dalai Lama, himself would have had to have shown up and told her it was no big deal. And I bet he would have given her one of those big goofy, freedom-filled smiles. I understand the desire to make changes in your life and I applaud them heartily. But I invite you to be inconsistent and unreliable. I dare you to break promises to yourself and I dare you to make new ones. This is the courageous path of learning to grow, love and trust yourself?and to keep dancing into the life you desire, no matter what. To me, there's beauty, intelligence and grace in showing up lopsided, showing up fitfully, showing up sporadically. Showing up is showing up. The dream-basher in you pushes you into airtight commitments. But real change is about breathing, coming in and going out. Daring to live your calling is a path of invitation, not interrogation. My favorite poet Rumi, an absurdly free and brilliant spirit, writes: "Come, come whoever you are, wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving -it doesn't matter, Ours is not a caravan of despair Come, even if you have broken your vow a hundred times Come, come again." A Course in Miracles echoes this same philosophy by telling us to "choose once again," whenever we have made a choice that has felt painful. It doesn't say beat yourself up bloody, give up, throw in the towel, recount how many other things you've given up on. It asks us to save time and just begin again, choose the new behavior or belief now, let go of the past, and give birth to a different experience this very minute. When I first began writing, I had an awful time with myself. I'd come up with all kinds of perfectly devised writing schedules for myself and then avoid or blow every one of them. I'd be furious with myself, convinced I was never going to be able to accomplish anything. I'd feel miserable and pathetic. But finally I did make huge progress as a writer. Not by setting up a better writing program. But through learning to love, comfort, and coax myself into action. In This Time I Dance!, I wrote that "Only the tender can breed the fierce." This was so opposite to my initial thinking. Like my non-meditating client, I thought that if I had "misbehaved," I needed a bigger stick, not an extra chocolate bar. But my guidance then, as now, reflected, "Be even kinder to yourself when you feel fear. Love, not anger, inspires right action." And it was true. Part of me avoided writing because I was afraid to face myself. And only gentleness inspired more encounters. Sometimes, we have an ill-advised idea of what showing up looks like. In the creative life, many people confuse rigidity with purity. But remember the creative personality might have many loves and devotions. And this is not distraction or avoidance. This is self-expression. When I lived in the mountains and was writing my book, I came into the city all the time to teach classes and to hang out at coffeehouses and secretly relish urban noise and stimulus. One person in a writing group said "If you were serious about that book, you would just stay in the mountains and write." I anguished over this comment for a long time. But his puritan approach would have sucked the life out of me. I needed to make a living in the city and I enjoyed my urban escapades. I wanted both lives. Likewise, I have clients who are parents--who are not only going to sculpt or work on a sales brochure for their business. Another part of their lives is going to soccer practice and picking up Cheerios and bananas. They are not abandoning their passions. They are claiming more of them. Focus on the behaviors you wish to encourage, not the other choices. If you are trying to lose weight, don't agitate over your failure of will on the third day of your program. Celebrate the 2 days of enthusiasm and motivation. Only the wins count-if you want to win. In 12 step lingo, "It's all about progress, not perfection." I know the sticklers will tell you that taking one exercise class won't help or spending one hour with your camera, but I disagree. Every act of love for yourself--makes a difference. That one time can boost your self-esteem and increase the likelihood that you'll return. Go ahead, stumble into grace. Start and stop a million times. Get there late and leave early. Whatever it takes. So what, if in a linear world they call you erratic? In this world you are a daring hopscotch queen, a creative explorer, a traveler on a caravan of joy, and that works just fine, because you are moving in the right direction. Tama J. Kieves, an honors graduate of Harvard Law School, left her law practice with a large corporate law firm to write and to embolden others to live and breathe their most meaningful self-expression. A leading alternative career coach and best-selling author of THIS TIME I DANCE! Trusting the Journey of Creating the Work You Love / How One Harvard Lawyer Left It All to Have It All! (©2003 Tarcher/Penguin), Tama devotes her dynamic energy to life/work coaching and to facilitating workshops and retreats throughout the country. For more than a decade, she has helped thousands of individuals unleash their creativity and their callings. Founder of Awakening Artistry, an organization dedicated to creating a global family of creative and visionary minds, her inspiring work has frequently been featured on T.V., radio, and in national publications. Learn more about Tama's workshops and coaching or sign up to receive her free inspirational e-zine at http://www.AwakeningArtistry.com
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Executive Coaching Case Studies If you are wondering whether investment in executive coaching would promote your business growth, some case studies might help you in making a decision. Handling Disappointment Disappointment is an inevitable part of home-based business. Clients won't pay, bids fall through, or business associates don't come through on their promises or act unethically. Some people will deliberately foster cynicism in their consciousness as a way of avoiding the pain of disappointment. This is mistaken as a means of making life better. Disappointment is a temporary condition. Cynicism is a long term poisoning sickness. Neither is necessary; but until the addiction to cynicism is broken, the attraction of positive events in life is greatly inhibited. Thus there is a cycle of disappointment and cynicism. Let go of that negativity and let the good in. 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The Power of a Scope We all know the power of a scope if you need to focus in on a target and hit it. We all need to develop and truly understand the power of the human mind's scope. All of us have inside of us the potential to be as powerful as the most high-tech laser scope available today. A scope is designed to focus in on a target without getting distracted or losing focus in order to hit its target right on the bull's eye. Now remember that all mechanical scopes are programmed by human technology and if we can do it for machines, we can do it for ourselves. Identify Your Two Rich Horses The naked truth of person is that we are still slaves to our mind; means we are still a "bounded slaves" to our mind. The use of mind in constructive way or in some stepping-stone turning way is still not being revealed by human being. 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This means there is major pressure on all of us to change, everything is speeded up; we have to learn fast or risk being left behind. All areas of life are affected. Relationships lack commitment, health can no longer be taken for granted, financial security can disappear over night. Careers are insecure, global security is challenged and stress is at an all time high. We have more choices in life than ever before. So how do we find stability and manage choice in this fast changing world? What is the Success Lesson in this Story? One of my clients gave me permission to tell you his story.
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