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Key Questions for a Coaching Conversation
There are 2 key skills that coaches need to be truly effective, the ability to listen (often for what is missing rather than what is said) and the ability to ask the right question at the right time. Now in reality there are no 'right' questions, there are however some very good, and fairly generic questions that when asked which can make a significant difference to the way in which a coaching interaction progresses. Q1. What would be better than X? Often a coaching conversation will focus on a particular clients problem where they will focus on something that they want to change in their current situation and the client may spend a great deal of time discussing how terrible the world is for this injustice etc. One of the key tasks of a coach is to help a client identify opportunities that they wouldn't necessarily see themselves. The 'What would be better than X?' question pulls the client out of a reflective mode into a more solution oriented position. There is one thing to be aware of with this and that is a response from the client along the lines 'For X not to happen', this is avoidance rather than a solution and you can follow up with 'What would be better than the absence of X?' You can keep asking this question over and over until you have a range of possibilities from good to great. Q2. What can YOU do to get this to happen? Coaching is about getting the client to take ownership and for them to do things themselves. Coaching isn't about helping it is about supporting and guiding and it is all too easy (especially for managers who are coaching) to take on the problems of the client as theirs to solve. To be an effective coach the client has to come to the solution on their own and has to take ownership of what they want. The 'What can YOU do to get this to happen?' pushes the coaching client to think about their interactions and how they are the responsible party. Remember you are there to expand the choices available so as a coach you need to ensure that the individual avoids the 'not my fault' trap. Ownership is key here. Q3. If you did/got Y how would this impact A, B and C? Sometimes a solution will present itself and the client will latch on to a solution without thinking it through, and it is unlikely that their circumstances will be the same as yours so you will not have the answers to this question and don't assume that the client will have thought of any of the wider ramifications of their solution. The A, B and C can be anything examples include Family, Finances, Career Progression, Lifestyle, Colleagues, Employer etc. This is an ecology check question and it is important for the client to understand that any decision they make on any subject will impact many people. Q4. What would you lose by doing/getting Y? There will be some form of loss with any decision and recognising it that is an important step in the decision making process. Often it is the fear of loss (rather than the loss itself) that holds us locked in position when in reality we can usually overcome most things in life if we know about them in advance and more importantly put them into perspective. Don't be fobbed off with a 'nothing' answer, this just shows that the client isn't thinking things through and needs more prodding. If you get stuck here you can offer a few examples, but do so as a last resort as the client will likely jump on one of your suggestions without thinking about their own situation. Q5. When will you do this? Perhaps the most important question and listen carefully for the answer, especially for the silent 'but'. Often a client will seem enthusiastic in the coaching session and the moment they are back into the real world their resolve falters and they go back to the same old patterns of behaviour. If a client appears enthusiastic and they want to take rapid action then great, excellent progress at which point you schedule a follow up call for sometime within the next week to see how they got on?it creates momentum. Remember these are just guidance questions and will need to be tailored for each coaching interaction but when used they can make a significant difference in moving a coaching client towards their outcomes. To be effective as a coach questioning is just part of the equation and listening, really listening to the answers is actually more important not only for what information is contained within the answers but also for the bits left out. Use these questions in your next coaching interaction and just notice what changes, you won't be disappointed. More information regarding Organisational Change, Coaching and Performance Development can be found at http://www.achievinggreatness.co.uk 2005 © Achieving Greatness Ltd. All rights reserved. ---- PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished provided attribution is provided to the author, and it appears with the included copyright, resource box and live web site link. L Stuart Avery is the Managing Director of Achieving Greatness Ltd, an organisation dedicated to raising awareness around personal and management behaviours. Achieving Greatness specialises in offering advice and support to organisations going through change intitiatives and looking to enhance the performance of their staff. It provides training courses, facilitiation services and coaching to business leaders on Leadership, Management and Strategy. Stuart has over 20 years of experience across a wide range of industries including Government, Charities, Retail, Travel, Insurance, IT Services and Logistics. For more information visit http://www.achievinggreatness.co.uk
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Business Management Why? I met Sean a year and a half ago in a crowd of 50,000 people. We struck up a conversation and really hit it off. He gave me his number, which I forgot. I thought about tracking him down, but figured if it was meant to be we would meet again. Three weeks later I got a phone call from him, and we have been together ever since, until about a month ago. 4 Quick, Easy Ways to Say No to People Who Take You for Granted No matter how wonderful you are sometimes other people will try to take advantage of your good nature. They will push you, get you to do more than your fair share and keep asking you to do even more. Tempering Temper I'm almost always a calm and collected person. Or at least I think I am. Yet on rare occasions, when I least expect it, some set of circumstances, emotions, or harsh words will override my calm capacity and spark a momentary surge of temper. 'Ever happen to you? Why Pacing and Leading is for Wimps! 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Last week at our December event several of the women commented to me how much they liked my newsletter. It is always nice to hear complimentary feedback but one woman went even farther - she said it was like getting a "Zen moment" in her email. (Thanks Cibeline!) Coaching - An Adapting Tool For Attaining Fulfillment In The Global Economy At a time when the global economy is bringing innovation, new ideas and new opportunities into the marketplace, outsourcing and the elimination of white-collar jobs has left many of us feeling anxious and insecure about the future. It is increasingly apparent that the American Worker can no longer look to the corporation for a sense of security, place, benefits or loyalty. As reliance on old structures is diminishing, the following ways of looking at work are emerging: Where to Begin? January is the king of months for those looking to make new beginnings. After the reflections and indulgences of December, the excitement of a new year unfolding brings contemplation of better days ahead. The Power of Online Memberships Have you ever noticed geese flying overhead, whether that be south for the winter, or back home in the spring? How To Improve Your Selling Skills -- With Coaching Skills But people love being coached. It's respectful and considerate of their needs. it helps them focus on what is right for them. In fact, it's all about them - the client. It doesn't matter to you if you make a sale or not, and they appreciate that? in fact, they just may buy something from you after all? you are so 'nice' and honest! Coaching for Physicians Is Having a Professional Coach a Solution to Optimizing your Practice's Performance? Self-contentment Leads to Confidence Being self-content means accepting and acknowledging who you are at your core and becoming satisfied -- maybe not perfect, but satisfied -- in all areas of your life. When you learn to better understand, better appreciate and eventually love yourself, you exude a quiet confidence that will open doors to what you want in life. One way to develop a strong sense of self-contentment is to give yourself the gift of self-appreciation. Offer yourself the same respect and kindness you give to others you care deeply for. In doing so, you will feel more at peace with yourself, be strong in your convictions and easily stand up for yourself. Here are three ways to support you in becoming more confident. 1. Silence Your Inner Critic Many women have a tendency to focus on what is "wrong" about themselves rather than what is "right." We tend to pick out and pick on the parts of ourselves we like the least. This disapproving inner critic (that little voice inside our head that points our faults and undermines our achievements) needs to be silenced. Instead of focusing on what you don't like about yourself, do your best to acknowledge and appreciate what makes you unique. Your smile. Your sense of humor. Your eyes. Now go further. What qualities define you as a person? Resist the temptation to criticize yourself. This is a learned behavior and it can be unlearned with intentional action. 2. Surround Yourself with Positive Environments In order to remain confident or regain confidence, you have to ensure that you surround yourself with positive environments emotionally and physically. This means cultivating friendships that enrich your life. A well-meaning friend that consistently points out your faults may be undermining your sense of self. Seek out people who care about you and can list all your lovely qualities instead. Fill your personal space with objects that inspire you, such as pictures of loved ones, keepsakes and favorite books. 3. Acknowledge Your Achievements Like most women, you may have been brought up not to be boastful. However, there is a distinction between bragging and not recognizing your accomplishments and contributions. We have all achieved things in our lives, both big and small, personally and professionally. But oftentimes, we cross that achievement off our "to-do" list and quickly move to the next item, with little or no celebration. When you give yourself permission to feel positive about your accomplishments and refuse to listen to your inner critic, you will feel pleased within yourself. You will proudly share your wins, rather than apologize for them. You might even amaze yourself when triumphal works such as "I am one awesome lawyer," "I am the best mother ever," or "I rock" roll off your tongue with hardly at thought. Courage and the Agony of Coaching Employees Coaching employees on sensitive and personal topics like performance or contribution to the organization can be as difficult and agonizing as telling a young son or daughter about sex for the first time. You end up playing the same mental games in your head over and over again: "What should they be told? How much do they already know? (Or how much do they want me to think they know?) How much detail should I go into?" If you are unable to answer any of these penetrating questions, you tend to put the task off for another six months. Eventually, you discover the harsh reality that there is very little they are unaware of, but a lot they don't know. Your Responsibility The other day I decided to skip cooking dinner and ordered fast food, and I ended up finding an insect on it. My husband and I were shocked, grossed out, disappointed, and I do not know what else. How to Make $100,000 Dollars as a Personal Trainer Part A for Attitude! My name is Greg Ryan. For the last twenty years I have counseled thousands of personal trainers, fitness directors and gym owners on how be successful in the health and fitness industry. No matter where I go in the world, no matter the size of the gym the biggest reason for their lack of success is all the same. My question is, "Do you want to be a mediocre Personal Trainer or do you want to be a GREAT one? How To Overcome Stuck States In Personal Growth Although many of us use self-help tools like affirmations, visualizations, NLP techniques, and spiritual invocations, we sometimes find that nothing happens. This, to say the least, is disheartening. After many years as a psychotherapist, I found that the brain can be compared to a computer. Since the computer was founded to replicate some of the features of our brains, the analogy also works the other way. In a computer, a corrupted file, a virus, or any other type of malignant software is sufficient to slow the computer down, create frequent crashes, and cause difficulties in opening certain files. In a brain, a negative decision based on some troubling event is sufficient to create internal resistance. This resistance is unconscious and often defies the most valiant efforts by the conscious mind to defeat it. While working in therapy or holistic practice is an excellent way to overcome blockers, internal feedback loops that prevents forward progress, it isn't always convenient and affordable to find the right person when you need him or her. What do we do to move forward when we feel stuck? How do we debug the brain? And how do we do it on our own? In pondering this question, I came across this marvelous technique by Karol Truman in her amazing book, Feelings Buried Alive Never Die? She has created a script that speaks to your unconscious mind using a spiritual perspective. It's deliberately convoluted and confusing to the conscious mind so that the unconscious gets to work. Also, you don't feel anything after you are done, since it's below the radar of your usual awareness. I'll give it to you here to try out. And, incidentally, if you feel that it doesn't work, recognize that this too is resistance and work on releasing your doubt (which is basically a fear of failure.) Spirit, please locate the origin of my feeling/thought of feeling negative about (insert the feeling or belief you want to release here). Take each and every level, layer, area and aspect of my be-ing to this origin. Analyze and resolve it perfectly, with God's truth. Come forward in time, healing every incident based upon the foundation of the first, according to God's will; until I'm at the present, filled with light and truth, God's peace and love, forgiveness of myself for my incorrect perceptions, forgiveness of every person, place, circumstance and event which contributed to this feeling/thought. With total forgiveness and unconditional love I delete the old from my DNA, release it, and let it go now! I feel (insert the way you want to feel here). I allow every physical, mental, emotional and spiritual problem, and inappropriate behavior based on the old feelings to quickly disappear. Thank you, Spirit, for coming to my aid and helping me attain the full measure of my creation. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you and praise God from whom all blessings flow. Listening Skills In Relationships Recently, when out to dinner with another couple, my husband is surprised at what someone says about one of our neighbors. He even comments this to the person about his amazement. Less than one week later, my husband comments to me he wonders about this very situation. After asking him, "Well don't you remember Sean told you that?" "No. I must have been in a conversation with someone else then." I just torque my jaws and change the subject because I just don't want to have this conversation about listening again. Taking The Coach Approach When you use what you go through to grow through, you take the coach approach. I am suggesting that you hire your own counsel. After all, who else knows your dreams, goals, and intentions better than you do? Who else has access to your inner compass? The Problem with Blame? If You Fix the Blame, You Ignore the Problem Have you ever found yourself in a hurry to leave the house for an appointment when you could not find your car keys?
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