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Time Travel
Let me quote something you wrote. "When you reach the boundary between like and love, you know you are entering a different country. You are beyond newness and infatuation. You know what Shakespeare meant when he called love 'an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken.'" On one level, I agree with what you say. But I believe very few of us find what you describe. We end up settling when we reach a point at which we realize it is either that or being alone. I, for one, have never felt what you describe and recently have come to terms that I will not. I am 50, outgoing, attractive and independent, with two children who are blessings I would never have if I did not "settle." I know I will never make that mistake again, and I find I am alone and probably always will be. Is love the luck of the draw? Are some of us just luckier than others? Or is it something lacking in me? I would love to know. Linda Linda, sixty years ago the science fiction writer René Barjavel asked what would happen if you traveled back in time and killed your grandfather before he met your grandmother. Could this happen? If it did, you would not exist, so how could you travel back in time? This dilemma is known as the grandfather paradox. When you "settled," how did you know the next man wouldn't have been the perfect one for you? How did you know the children wouldn't have been his and your children? When you are of the mindset of settling, you are not thinking of love but of other things--marriage, a house, children. You've traded love for a time schedule. When you "settle" for a house, how many more houses do you visit with your real estate agent? None. How do you know the next house wouldn't be the one of your heart's desire? When you are dating, married to, or pregnant by a man you settled for, how likely is it you can see or be seen by the one for you? It would be as easy for us to say your children would have been in your future, if you would waited. Now you want to discount this idea again, but you are closer to it now than when you settled--because now you don't want to settle. This has more to do with patience than with luck. You don't stop trying to balance your checkbook until things balance. Perhaps it is your fate to come to this knowing now. Why could this not happen for you now? Why not tomorrow or next month or next year? When you are living your life fully, engaging with others, knowing what you want, why not now? Wayne & Tamara Theoretically Speaking My relationship started off as a holiday romance and has had trouble developing into a normal relationship. We met in Spain and fell for each other immediately. We were both over the moon, but when we moved in together, things began to deteriorate. He wasn't sure what he wanted. I felt neglected and reacted badly by contacting an old flame. He thinks I nag. Once, in a rage, I told him I don't want to be with him anymore. Now he's angry and refuses to speak to me until he thinks things through. It upsets me because I know we're both very much in love, but no matter what we do we can't seem to make it work. Jayne Jayne, in science competing theories are tested against each other to determine which is true. You believe you and your boyfriend are in love. That is your claim. We have an alternative hypothesis. It was a holiday fling. On our side we point to verbal rage, nagging, confusion, and unfaithfulness. What evidence is there for your theory? Wayne & Tamara Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 20, 2004 About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Business Management W Edwards Deming Immediately post second world war W Edwards Deming went to Japan to create order from the crisis that was the Japanese economy. Executive Coaching and the American President Perhaps no one better than a former U.S. president has the right to advise executives: "The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it." -Theodore Roosevelt The Self Development Tool Box Do you have a self-development toolbox? Do you have a standard set of instruments or mechanisms that you use to delve into your inner self? Just asking yourself those questions makes you think, doesn't it? That is because questioning is the most powerful tool in your self-development toolbox. When we start on the self-development path it is usually because we have asked ourselves a question: who am I, what is it I want, why am I in this position, when can I change, where will this happen and how can I make it happen? Questions can be about us or about others and are used as identifiers. Who do I want to be? Who is standing in the way? Who will support me in this? Who can provide information? What The Buddha Says About Coaches There is a Buddhist saying that goes like this: "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill it." This means to kill any concept of the Buddha as something apart from oneself. New Developments Make Christian Life Coaching ?The? Career Choice for Work-At-Home Professionals I have watched for a couple years now, as my wife's career has really taken off and I must admit, I am impressed. At the age of 55, having had so many life experiences, it just made me sit up and take notice that something huge is happening. In addition to this, I have seen her income quadruple over the past year. The Incredible Rightness of Being An Age-Old Question Moment of Magic Laughter may or may not be a shock, relieved, but its' therapeutic effects are recognised in most cultures. It allows a positive distractive moment or moments. When things are tough, rough, overbearing or endless, a quick laugh can help to transcend an obsessive reality. 12 Reasons to Develop Exceptional People Skills Why should you bother to spend your valuable time learning how to develop exceptional people skills? If I Only Had a Heart I know you probably have heard of the movie, "The Wizard of Oz" right? Well, for those of you, who have somehow managed to miss this movie, let me give you a brief description of it. How to Hire a Coach Improve Your Life! How to Hire A Coach. Its Game Time! Four Powerful Lessons in the Game of Life I turned 29 last week, and if statistics are right and I die on or around my 78th birthday, I am almost 40% done. In a numbers game, that is pretty close to half way. This had me thinking about when I played basketball in high school and college. I thought most about the half time events in the locker room. The Pitfalls of Procrastination We all put off making decisions and taking action sometimes (yes, me too). It's okay to do that occasionally but if you are a regular pontificator then it will constantly cause you pain, even if you aren't aware of it. By putting things off on a regular basis you hold yourself back and instead of progressing in your life, you'll regress. Overcoming Work Addiction Why are you so busy? Do you really have too much work? Is work so important to you that you'll sacrifice just about anything in your life to get the job done? Even if it's at the expense of your health and your relationships? Mind the Gap The underground train in London can get you anywhere when you know how to maneuver all the options. Like our subways, London under ground is a busy place. When your train arrives and comes to a stop, you move forward with the crowd, waiting for your turn to get on the train. A man's voice drones from overhead, warning you over and over: "Mind the gap. . . mind the gap." Two Leadership Strategies: Don't Lose Your Mind & Be a Coach Are you feeling overwhelmed, a lack of confidence or under a ton of pressure? Are you trying too hard to make something work and focusing too much on trying to fulfill other people's needs and expectations? You may have "lost your mind!" Coaching Prime Time An awful lot of fantastic coaching has been coming out of Hollywood lately, have you noticed? Who Do You Talk To? Many of you reading this will be running businesses, or parts of, whether they are your own or not. This means that you have many things to deal with on a day to day basis plus trying to do the long-term thinking needed to lead and run the business. You probably find yourself being very busy, possibly working long hours and, if you are honest, being reactive most of the time. When do you get (or make!) time to really think about your business or the way you are operating personally? (Working on the business rather than in it!) Among the dilemmas you face are; making time to tune out and relax, time think about the business, and finding time talk to about the issues and frustrations. Sheep Do Not Start Out Lost Have you ever thought about how sheep get lost? Even with a shepherd, they still get lost. How does this happen? The one thing I know for sure is that they did not start out lost. Budda In Your Back Pocket The other day I was late for something. Not very late. In fact, I was actually on time but an angry voice berated me anyway, saying, "You are late! There will be no seats left. You wouldn't run late if you were more organized!" It was a terrible feeling, especially because the voice was partially right. THE Step to Working Smarter (Japanese Style) Remember that Coke contest from the 80s? If you collected bottle tops that had the letters to spell T-H-E R-E-A-L T-H-I-N-G, then youd win a zillion dollars.
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