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Things Are Good Because I Say They Are
The subject of positive self talk regarding our goals and dreams reminds me of the childhood story, The Velveteen Rabbit. The boy loves the toy so much that a magic fairy comes and turns the toy bunny into a real rabbit. She tells the bunny it has been loved so much that it has earned the right to be real. Wouldn't it be great if all we had to do was to love our dreams and fantasies until a magic fairy came, and poof, our dreams were real? How many of us would forget to love our dreams enough? Would they be lost under the bed like some long ago childhood toy? What if it really was that simple? Years ago, I was a single mom with two small children. Both were still in diapers. We were on welfare and getting help with housing assistance. I had $335 each month to support a family of three. There was no husband, no boyfriend, no child support and no reason to believe any of those things were every coming near me. My friends were all happily married and most did not even have children yet. I was struggling to come up with money to buy diapers and they were buying boats and campers and going on long vacations. I was very frightened and alone. I had no family around to help me out of my situation and my childhood friends were all too busy with their new lives to be of much help to me. They all had careers and their families and new in-laws to hang out with. They loved me, but often forgot to even check on my kids and me. I spent a lot of time alone while my babies were sleeping or playing together. I realized how sad my children's lives would be. They were being raised by a sad lonely depressed welfare mom. I could not do that to them. I could not afford to get counseling, so I went to the library to research "happiness." I began to read everything I could get my hands on. I did not want my kids to grow up secluded, scared, and depressed like me. My research lead me to books on religion, romance, parenting, spirituality, everything. After a few months, I realized I was reading the same message over and over again. It did not matter what topic I was reading, it always came down to attitude. What I believe is what I will see. What I see is what I live. That is when I wrote my life's mantra: Things are good, because I say they are. I wrote it on a half sized sheet of my nicest pink paper with my favorite purple pen and taped it to my bathroom mirror. I saw it many times each day. Every time I brushed my teeth it was there. "Things are good, because I say they are." Every time I washed my hands, "Things are good, because I say they are." Every time I put on makeup or brushed my hair, "Things are good, because I say they are." It began to work it's magic on me. I decided to fake it and act like I was happy. I made a rule? from then on, I would only tell people the good things in my life. I would no longer tell them how many bill collectors called that day or that my three year old was probably never going to be potty trained. I was not in denial. I simply wanted to practice this positive attitude stuff I had read so much about. Would it really change my life? I doubted it, but I was going to at least give it an honest try. Whenever someone asked me "How are things going?" I would remember my little statement and tell them, "Things are good!" I would make myself find positive stories about my life to tell them. I owe my children a great debt of gratitude for providing me with something to smile at every day of their lives. Never has a day gone by since they were born have they not at the very minimum made me smile if not fully laugh out loud. The only positive things I had to tell were funny stories about my two kids. People may have gotten tired of always hearing about my babies, but that was all I had for examples. "Things are good! My son is finally potty trained!" "Things are good! My daughter did the funniest little dance the other day! It went something like this?" They all thought I was this good little mom who was obsessed with her kids. The truth is, I had nothing positive to say about myself. I cannot tell you when the exact moment was, but about a year later, I realized that I was not faking it anymore. Things really were good. I had proven the theory "fake it until it's real." I had gone back to work and was learning a new career. My kids were in a wonderful safe environment while I was at work. They loved their daycare center. My career was worth talking about. I joined a local gym and started working out every day. My kids loved the playroom there and were thrilled with going straight from daycare to the playroom at the gym. They hadn't suffered because I had taken care of my own happiness. We had a lot less time together during the week, but everyone was very happy. Our weekends became our time for adventures. I started dating again. I had fixed my credit to the point that I was able to buy a new car without a cosigner. When people asked me, "How's it going?" I actually had something besides my kids to talk about. Things WERE good, because I SAID they were. That magic fairy must have made it real when I wasn't looking. This article was adapted from a segment of Beyond the Inner-Critic by Skye Thomas, copyright 2003. About The Author Skye Thomas began writing books and articles with an everyday practical approach to spirituality, motivation, and inspiration in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, motivation, and parenting. More of her articles can be found at www.tomorrowsedge.net as well as free previews of her books.
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Computer Training Discover The Coach Within You One of the three basic roles of leadership is the coach or mentor. The best boss is often the best coach. (See: http://tlc-leadership.com/the_three_faces_of_leadership). In sports the coach is very conscious of his role but in the business world most coaching is unconscious or even accidental. Permission To Have FUN ? Have you been working long hours? ? Have you been managing 10 (or more) tasks at once? ? Are you combining several different personal and professional roles? Beware of Psychic Vampires I am often asked how I stay happy and motivated all the time. The answer has two parts to it; positivity and self-talk. Personal Life Coaching And How It Can Help You Coaching is an effective process used to support individuals in creating something new for themselves. I work side by side with my clients' coaching them by providing perspective and support for self-knowledge as they accomplish their business and personal goals. Mentors and Coaches: How to Find a Great Mentor A career coach or mentor is a person who can guide you with the benefit of their experience. He or she may be someone more senior from within your organisation or someone external to your organisation who has been successful in the field or skills you want to develop. The right mentor can help you accelerate career, boost your self-development and improve your working relationships. And remember that a mentor is not only helpful in your career the benefits of having a mentor are relevant to all areas of your life whether fitness, financial or lifestyle. Who Are You Mixing It With? I talk and write a lot about Life Design creating and sculpting a life that is fulfilling for you. It is about shaping your personal landscape and environment. Mind the Gap The underground train in London can get you anywhere when you know how to maneuver all the options. Like our subways, London under ground is a busy place. When your train arrives and comes to a stop, you move forward with the crowd, waiting for your turn to get on the train. A man's voice drones from overhead, warning you over and over: "Mind the gap. . . mind the gap." Curbing the Public Nuisance (Part 1) He's been around since the dawn of humanity. His profession is even older than the world's oldest profession. He's been loathed and reviled by politicians, bureaucrats and hot dog vendors. Dont Be Jealous - Be Inspired When we see people do things we cannot do, or have things we don't have, it might be tempting to be a little jealous. But, jealousy doesn't lead to anything except resentment, and that isn't going to help you. Instead of being jealous of others, focus on being inspired. Let the success of others move you forward toward your own success. After all, people who are doing things you want to do or have things you want are examples of what is possible for you. Coaching Skills for Peers: Extending Influence Many people think of coaching solely as a management technique. Although coaching skills provide managers with the means to get business results while creating solid relationships, the value of coaching in other arenas is often overlooked. Utilizing coaching skills is also beneficial when cooperating and collaborating with others, developing influence within the organization, and getting effective business results. Action NOT Reaction Do you feel you are in charge of your life do you really believe that you control your destiny? Or you are of those people who feel manipulated all the time, they are doing things and they don't know, why? Do you have the sense that you are a wooden puppet that someone else pulls the strings? Essence of Awakeness Be conscious, aware, and alert. Pay attention. Remember when you were in elementary school and the teacher used to say pay attention now, this is important? Well, this is important. Wake up! What does it take to wake up an adult? Many people go through life on automatic, doing life as it comes along. What kind of things occurs that is considered a wake up call? The death of a loved one, a miracle, a near death experience, the birth of a child, a divorce, a marriage, a spiritual experience, a great accomplishment, a serious illness, an award, losing a job, winning the lottery, which of these would wake you up? Feeling Self-Conscious? 6 Tips to Turn it Around Fast! When you feel self-conscious it means you are putting too much attention on your self, too much focus on what you are doing and how you are doing it. And this is a formula for poor performance. Why a Coach is NOT a Consultant Often while talking to people about my coaching practice I get asked what the difference is between a coach and a consultant. Many people believe they are either the same thing or very similar. This is untrue. There are many distinct differences between someone who coaches and someone who consults. The Value of Coaching to Support Your Business and Your Life In our daily lives as well as in our businesses, we typically operate from the perspective of doing the best we know how to do in dealing with life's challenges and opportunities. If we knew what it would take to be more effective in our relationships, more productive in our activities or more successful in reaching our goals, we would surely alter our behavior to correspond with these insights. The only access we ordinarily have to impact our lives comes from the areas of "what we know" and "what we don't know." In our efforts to achieve more, we usually resort to increasing what we do know by learning to do things a little better, a little different or we simply do more of a behavior that produced a certain result for us in the past. This behavior can predictably result in small, incremental increases in our ability to impact our business and our world. Likewise, by educating ourselves in the arena of "what we don't know," this knowledge then becomes part of what we now do know. As an example, if you are computer illiterate and you apply yourself to learn how to adeptly operate a computer, you will have successfully taken something that you do not know and converted it into what you now know. More than 95% of our efforts are spent in these two arenas what we know and what we don't know. Coaching vs. Directing - How Does Improv Theater Suggest You Should Lead Your Team An age old battle in improv that I believe resonates well with challenges we experience in the business world is the question of whether a team should have a coach or a director (in which case it should be called an ensemble). In addition there's the third option of the self coached team, which I will call committee from here on forward. You Can Get There From Here But first you've got to raise your standards. How to be Your Authentic Self Most of us play many different roles in the course of any given day. We could be Mom, Boss, Employee, Student or Friend, to name just a few. Very often we identify ourselves by those roles. When asked, "Who are you/" we say, "I'm a wife and mother", "I am a doctor and amateur photographer". We identify ourselves by how the world sees us, not by who we really are. People Pleasing and How to Stop! "People pleasing can leave you feeling empty and taken advantage of." Deb Melton 5 Steps to Derail Difficult People - Your Surefire Way to a Peaceful Resolution That one guy at work that always has to be right; your buddy's wife who can't eat anywhere they serve burgers, or the monster-in-law, I mean mother-in-law, with too many opinions for your own good, difficult people, we all know them. So the question is, is there a right and a wrong way to deal with them? The answer is yes, if you want to avoid unnecessary confrontations.
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