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The Long Way
I wrote you about four years ago, when my eight year marriage was ending in divorce. At that time you gave me some great advice about beginning again. After reading the recent letter from Linda and how she "settled" for the wrong man, I felt I had to write an update letter. I can look back now and realize in too many ways, I "settled" in my first marriage. I reaped the results eight years later with a broken heart. After that marriage ended, I chose to live my life to the fullest, to take every opportunity to enjoy life and my friendships, and within reason, to never settle in anything. I wanted children, a family with which to grow old together, and the white picket fence. But I could not focus on what I did not have. I could only focus on what I did have, which was a lot of time and some great friends. Sure there were women who came and went during that time (mostly went), but I never settled. Amazingly, I did meet a fantastic woman who is in every way my other half, as I am for her. We've been married now a little over a year and are happier now than when we were courting. We can't imagine life without the other now. My point is not that I met my other half, but instead I want to mention the positive outlook on life and love we both originally had. Being the right person for the other would not have helped either of us if my wife and I had a "wrong" attitude when we met. We would have simply walked right past the other. Having the right attitude towards life, we ended up being like a huge magnet attracting steel. Anyway, thanks for the great advice and continue the great work! I never miss a week. Scott Scott, sometimes we get things right only after we have made a mistake. Sometimes we get things right when someone shows us the way. And sometimes we need a wake-up call to get things right. In the book "Life Lessons" David Kessler wrote about Caroline, a woman with "the most genuine smile you will ever see." Not only was she happy, but to him she seemed to be one of those people who live a charmed life. When he told Caroline he thought she was lucky in love, she told him her story. When she was in her early 40s, Caroline found a lump in her breast the doctors called suspicious. She waited three agonizing days to learn if cancer was spreading throughout her body. It wasn't. The lump was benign. But Caroline resolved not to let those three days mean nothing. She had been single and desperately lonely. When she went to a party or event, she would quickly scan the room for Mr. Right. If he wasn't there, she'd go somewhere else searching for him, and always she went home more desperate than before. Caroline decided to change her approach to life. Even if Mr. Right wasn't around her, other people were. She would talk with them and enjoy them, no matter what. At the end of each day she no longer felt lonely for she truly talked and smiled and laughed with others. The more she did this the more wonderful people she met and the closer she grew to her friends. She stopped being a desperately searching person. She did not meet Mr. Right the first year. Or the second. She met him four years later, and two years after that, they married. Being "lucky in love" has a lot to do with being ourselves and being fully engaged in life. David Kessler wrote, "In our hearts we know we are destined to live fully, to love fully, and to have great adventures in life." Our task is figuring out how to do it. Wayne & Tamara Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 4, 2004 About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
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Business Management How to Hire a Coach Improve Your Life! How to Hire A Coach. Training is Not the Same Thing as Exercising What it takes to GROW! How to Adopt a Losing Attitude We have all heard the expression, "Where your heart is?, your treasure will be also." Allow me to modify this tried and true wisdom, to create an equally valid point: "Where your thoughts are, your hips will be also." What do I mean by this? Try this experiment: Take a few seconds to write the first the five words that pop into your head in response to this question: How do I describe myself? Is The Apprentice Bad For Your Health? If you know who I mean when I say Kwame, Bill and Troy, you are probably a fan of The Apprentice. I admit I'm not a fan myself; I don't watch much television and that particular show did not grab my interest enough to be "appointment" watching. I have, however, followed its popularity with interest, for various reasons. After July 8, Pay This Amount You undoubtedly go through this, too. A few times a month you gather up the bills coming due and write checks or pay them online. The Mid-Life Challenge: Make a Plan to Re-ignite Vocational Passion Nobody will stop you in the hallway at work to ask if your career provides meaning and personal fulfillment. Recognizing that something's missing in your vocational life and taking the initiative to change must come from within. Profitable Idea Generation in 4 Steps Using Improv A large percentage of business are stuck, tied to narrow ways of thinking about themselves and their products. In the business environment you can't be stuck and survive. Could You and Your Business Benefit from a Business Coach or a Consultant? The surprising answer is "probably". Most individuals don't realize that a certified business coach or business consultant can add enormously to their home based or more traditional type business. Many individuals think a business coach or consultant will come into their business and tell them things that they don't want to hear. Self-Defense Within Martial Arts Training Demands a Real-World Perspective This story is being offered in response to a request made by my teacher, Soke (Grand Master) Masaaki Hatsumi, during a recent training visit to Japan. During one of the training sessions, Soke was suggesting that everyone, regardless of rank, should make it a point to talk to those with actual combat experience and to learn from these people. The point was, if you do not know what a real fight is like, you will not be able to train properly for an authentic situation. Become More Self-Confident Signs of Self-Confidence How to Give Yourself a Check Up From the Neck Up When was the last time you did some dedicated physical exercise? Friends? I met my friend when we were in graduate school, and we enjoyed hanging out together outside of classes. After receiving our degrees, we both left school to live in different states. That was 10 years ago. Coaching is Asking the Right Questions Have you ever known anyone who asked themselves "Why me?" over and over every time something happened they did not like? Or how about, "What did I do to deserve this?" And my favorite, "Whose fault was that?" Perhaps, these questions have popped into your head once or twice before. Are You Worth Investing In? Do you realise that if you are green you are growing and if you are ripe you are rotten? So says Winston Marsh, Business Marketing Guru in his recent newsletter. The Fastest Way to Ruin Yourself I don't know many people who would admit to wanting to ruin themselves, but there are a lot of people who are doing everything they can to accomplish that very goal. They certainly don't see it that way, but if you look at the way they live, you can see it happening. How to Create Your Ideal Life - Excerpt from Individual Power When I lost it all, I felt powerless. During my darkest hours, I wrote letters to God asking "why?" I received answers in writing. Make Your Life Easier? 'Have you read the Art of War?' someone asked me once. Fighting someone to get your way is definitely a valid strategy. But you don't need me to tell you about that one - we've all been arguing and manipulating to get our own way since we were born! And you may have noticed - often when you push, the other person pushes back! Wars have been fought, relationships lost, and many ulcers create with this kind of energy. Discovering Your Passion and Purpose "I can't seem to discover why I'm on the planet." Coaching Employees - The Chronic Excuser Most of us find coaching employees to be an effective, even enjoyable, approach to leadership and management. Coaching provides a way to help team members grow and develop, while achieving business objectives. But occasionally, we encounter a team member who has an excuse for every situation. How can we help team members like this accept responsibility and focus on solutions, rather than dwell on the reasons why things aren't accomplished? How can we ensure that we really gain commitment and consensus on plans, assignments, and projects The Power of Online Memberships Have you ever noticed geese flying overhead, whether that be south for the winter, or back home in the spring?
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