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Top Ten Things to Build a Bridge and Get Over
God must love Top Ten lists because she made so many of them. They crowd my Inbox daily. They're right up there in popularity with offers to refinance my house and stock up on Viagra. Top Nine Lists are few and far between and Top Eleven lists unheard of. But for seem reason there seem to be ten nifty answers to pretty much any problem or life situation you can come up with. In search of my own Top Ten favorites I had a hard time coming up with something that hadn't already been worked over. There seems to be a plethora of Top Ten lists designed to pump us up; increase our confidence and build self esteem. I thought it would be nice to let some of the air out. So here are my: Top Ten Things to Build a Bridge and Get Over. 1. Nobody knows why anybody does anything. Imagine the time this one will free up. You don't need to figure out what happened to Aunt Bertha as a child to make her so mean and crabby; why your s.o. dumped you; why your neighbor ignores you. We humans are a product of our upbringing; environment, genetics and hormones. We do what we do when we do it. Let it go. Don't take it personally. 2. Nobody owes you a thing. When you think about all the time, love and attention it took to get where you are today you'll see that you can never repay the debt. Your mother and father who raised you; your teachers who pushed and believed in you; your friends who supported you; your community which nurtures you. Question is what have you given back in return? 3. You'll be balanced when you are dead. Not a moment sooner. Balance schmalanace. We chase it like the Holy Grail. What's the big deal if you work too hard some weeks and goof off others? If you are passionate about something maybe you would rather have more of it in your life. Your kids won't knock over a bank if you miss a few softball practices. Exercise is overrated and TV's not evil incarnate 4. Multi-tasking is an oxymoron. Don't be intimidated by colleagues who do five things at once. Studies on "Attentional Blink" show that we don't actually do more than one thing at a time. We switch our attention rapidly between projects. A one man band plays many instruments passably but none well. Better to be a maestro than a journeyman. 5. You don't deserve anything you have. See # 2. Entitlement is a very unattractive quality. No matter how hard you worked or how much you planned you were never in control of the outcome of your efforts. God and luck and the support of others, along with your own hard work, played big parts. 6. You're ordinary. Relax it's a compliment. Ordinary people are reliable, industrious and consistent . Superstars are a pain in the rear especially when they read their own press. Who would you rather call at 2 AM when your car breaks down - Tony Robbins or your brother-in-law Al? Imagine the ride home. 7. You're not a victim you are a volunteer. (Unless we're talking about a trainwreck or a typhoid epidemic). The old saw about nobody being able to take advantage of you without your permission is true. If you don't want something to happen in your life don't set it up in the first place. 8. You're right. Life isn't fair. But it's always interesting and instructive if you keep an open mind. 9. There is no meantime. No place where time stands still and standards are lowered and second best is good enough. There's only now. What are you going to do now? 10. Gratefulness is second to Godliness. Cleanliness is waaay down the list. Get down on your knees and look at your life. Oh, the places you'll go! Mary Rosendale is a writer, speaker and Founder of "The Constructed Life" - a unique Holistic Coaching service rooted in Buddhist psychology. If you liked this article you'll love her free newsletter. Visit her on the web at http://www.TheConstructedlife.com to sign up for it.
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Business Management Taking The Coach Approach When you use what you go through to grow through, you take the coach approach. I am suggesting that you hire your own counsel. After all, who else knows your dreams, goals, and intentions better than you do? Who else has access to your inner compass? The Student Who Knew Too Much This article is for those of you who coach or mentor. Does this sound familiar? Control, Helplessness, and Love During my 35 years of counseling individuals, couples, families and business partners, I have discovered that an important purpose of our controlling behavior in our relationships is to avoid the feeling of helplessness. One of the hardest feelings to feel is helplessness. Most of us are unwilling to even know what we are and are not helpless over. Our controlling behavior toward others generally comes from our unwillingness to accept our helplessness over others' feelings and behavior. We do not want to know that we are helpless over whether another chooses to be loving and accepting toward us or judgmental and rejecting toward us. Who Do You Talk To? Many of you reading this will be running businesses, or parts of, whether they are your own or not. This means that you have many things to deal with on a day to day basis plus trying to do the long-term thinking needed to lead and run the business. You probably find yourself being very busy, possibly working long hours and, if you are honest, being reactive most of the time. When do you get (or make!) time to really think about your business or the way you are operating personally? (Working on the business rather than in it!) Among the dilemmas you face are; making time to tune out and relax, time think about the business, and finding time talk to about the issues and frustrations. Is Time Really Easier to Sell than Products? Generate Extra Revenue by Packaging Up What You Know Over the years I've worked with very many coaches and consultants who make their money by selling blocks of time. 5 Tips to Improve ANY Performance Seeking improved performance at work? Wishing you could finally achieve your sports-related goals? Merely looking for a way to get more out of everything you do? What follows are five basic skills (basic in that all top achievers know these skills and apply them in some form on a weekly basis) that will dramatically improve your performance. What Dost Thou Speaketh? Hey, Affirm This Way! Articulating repetitive statements with emotion will inevitably connect you to your primary focus. Your destiny is guaranteed, when you repeatedly, decree a seed. How can I make such bold statements? Because ancient wisdom showed me years ago, "As a Fran thinketh (and speaketh); so is she." Whats in it for me if I Hire A Coach? 1. An unshakable foundation: Profitable Idea Generation in 4 Steps Using Improv A large percentage of business are stuck, tied to narrow ways of thinking about themselves and their products. In the business environment you can't be stuck and survive. Every Obstacle Always Presents an Opportunity In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Executive Coaching and the American President Perhaps no one better than a former U.S. president has the right to advise executives: "The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it." -Theodore Roosevelt The Need to Feel Special From the time Jennifer was a little child, she was demanding of attention, especially from her mother, Sarah. With two older brothers, Jennifer had a "special" place in the family as the baby and the only girl. She made sure to establish a "special" relationship with her mother, who relished the connection since she did not have much of a relationship with her emotionally distant husband. Floating In Mindfulness: Dealing With Disappointment Feeling disappointed? It's time to float. A Visualization Exercise on Managing Expectations for Adults with ADD As adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), we often find ourselves excited by new ideas and plans, but overwhelmed by what it will take to reach the goals. Coaching Skills Introduction Dont Be Jealous - Be Inspired When we see people do things we cannot do, or have things we don't have, it might be tempting to be a little jealous. But, jealousy doesn't lead to anything except resentment, and that isn't going to help you. Instead of being jealous of others, focus on being inspired. Let the success of others move you forward toward your own success. After all, people who are doing things you want to do or have things you want are examples of what is possible for you. Coaching Employees - The Chronic Excuser Most of us find coaching employees to be an effective, even enjoyable, approach to leadership and management. Coaching provides a way to help team members grow and develop, while achieving business objectives. But occasionally, we encounter a team member who has an excuse for every situation. How can we help team members like this accept responsibility and focus on solutions, rather than dwell on the reasons why things aren't accomplished? How can we ensure that we really gain commitment and consensus on plans, assignments, and projects Mailey's Introspections [Monday, December 6th 2005] As I work with clients as their introspective Inner Peace/Relationship coach, an issue that has come to my awareness is the tendency we have as human beings to stray away from the present moment. Some people tend to live mostly in the past, some live in the future, while still others ricochet from future to past and back to the future again. Nothing is left to Chance You are going to meet a very important client for lunch. What do you do? If you are anything like Anna the first job is to ensure the outside you is perfect, well dressed, matching clothes, clean shoes, washed in your favourite soaps, perfume. Check yourself many, many times in the mirror, Ask your partner (numerous times)," Do I look right"? "Is everything OK"? Basically, nothing is left to chance. The inside you has been studying the information you feel is important. You feel on top of your subject but slightly nervous. You pull out all the stops to ensure that the person you are meeting will get full benefit of your total attention, love and generosity. Again, nothing is left to chance. 6 Practices for Achieving Excellent Self-Care Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) often feel like they are running behind schedule, and just don't have the time get everything done. As a result, many ADDers end up sacrificing their own self-care in order to scratch off items on their to-do lists. Those who skimp on self-care, however, will find themselves slowed down in the end. It's nearly impossible to be an effective parent, spouse, friend, or worker when you are not operating at your best. And you can't be at your best when you are not taking care of yourself!
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