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Who Are You Mixing It With?
I talk and write a lot about Life Design creating and sculpting a life that is fulfilling for you. It is about shaping your personal landscape and environment. Part of that environment involves being conscious of who you mix with and their effect on you. Beware of mixing with people who are consistently negative and critical, not only of themselves, but of others and their ideas. It's okay to vent and get things off your chest occasionally, but the Value Vampires have turned this into a fine art! They planted seeds of doubt in your mind and then you started to water them! Don't tell them your hopes, aims, ambitions or goals too early, before they've had time to develop; they could kill it in infancy! The Value Vampires are constantly whining and holding pity parties with anyone who is not aware enough to decline the invitation! They put you and your ideas down and typically ask questions like: "why do you want to do that for?" (which is really a negative judgement in disguise). Understand that when they do they often have a hidden, often unconscious agenda or a low opinion of themselves and their abilities. Value Vampires drain you a night out with them leaves you with a nasty taste in your mouth and normally feeling much worse about things. As you begin to make changes in your life, then you'll probably find yourself attracted to different kinds of people and will not want to conduct your relationships, friendships with them anymore and they'll either change or leave your life. How can you start to change this? (i) Focus on building a positive support network rather than seeking to avoid the Value Vampires. You'll start from a more productive mindset and begin to think about who you want to be with and why. (ii) You are what you attract. If you are constantly surrounded by and mixing with those who have a consistently negative approach to life, then it's very easy to discover who the biggest Value Vampire is look in the mirror! Develop a more positive and proactive approach within yourself and you'll find that you are cultivating more positive and attractive relationships. Copyright 2004 Julie Plenty About The Author Julie Plenty is a Personal and Business Coach who specialises in coaching self employed creative professionals to live more creative, fulfilled lives. To sign up for the Life Design newsletter visit: http://www.self-help-personal-development.com
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Business Management The Difference Between Approval and Appreciation Having worked with individuals, couples, families and business partners for 35 years, helping them learn to resolve conflict, I have often been faced with the difficulties that occur when people are confused about the difference between approval with appreciation. Have you ever wondered about the difference between approval and appreciation? Most of us have never actually thought about it, yet if we do think about it, we realize that we feel very differently when we receive approval as opposed to receiving appreciation. There are good reasons for this. Secrets of Creating Interpersonal Power If you work with people, as a company owner, manager and team leader or on the customer interface, your impact on others is your most important asset! Someone creating 'Interpersonal Power', as I see it, has the ability to inspire, motivate and facilitate outstanding action in another. Worth Waiting For Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 22, 2002 Self-contentment Leads to Confidence Being self-content means accepting and acknowledging who you are at your core and becoming satisfied -- maybe not perfect, but satisfied -- in all areas of your life. When you learn to better understand, better appreciate and eventually love yourself, you exude a quiet confidence that will open doors to what you want in life. One way to develop a strong sense of self-contentment is to give yourself the gift of self-appreciation. Offer yourself the same respect and kindness you give to others you care deeply for. In doing so, you will feel more at peace with yourself, be strong in your convictions and easily stand up for yourself. Here are three ways to support you in becoming more confident. 1. Silence Your Inner Critic Many women have a tendency to focus on what is "wrong" about themselves rather than what is "right." We tend to pick out and pick on the parts of ourselves we like the least. This disapproving inner critic (that little voice inside our head that points our faults and undermines our achievements) needs to be silenced. Instead of focusing on what you don't like about yourself, do your best to acknowledge and appreciate what makes you unique. Your smile. Your sense of humor. Your eyes. Now go further. What qualities define you as a person? Resist the temptation to criticize yourself. This is a learned behavior and it can be unlearned with intentional action. 2. Surround Yourself with Positive Environments In order to remain confident or regain confidence, you have to ensure that you surround yourself with positive environments emotionally and physically. This means cultivating friendships that enrich your life. A well-meaning friend that consistently points out your faults may be undermining your sense of self. Seek out people who care about you and can list all your lovely qualities instead. Fill your personal space with objects that inspire you, such as pictures of loved ones, keepsakes and favorite books. 3. Acknowledge Your Achievements Like most women, you may have been brought up not to be boastful. However, there is a distinction between bragging and not recognizing your accomplishments and contributions. We have all achieved things in our lives, both big and small, personally and professionally. But oftentimes, we cross that achievement off our "to-do" list and quickly move to the next item, with little or no celebration. When you give yourself permission to feel positive about your accomplishments and refuse to listen to your inner critic, you will feel pleased within yourself. You will proudly share your wins, rather than apologize for them. You might even amaze yourself when triumphal works such as "I am one awesome lawyer," "I am the best mother ever," or "I rock" roll off your tongue with hardly at thought. Trust In The Moment, and Trust In Yourself Do you often get yourself upset and feeling less than fully confident, as part of your preparation for facing a daunting challenge? You can improve your performance if you let your somatic intelligence lead the way."You move too much to be effective." Tamura sensei softly shouted at me. "You need to give your opponent a clearer target to strike at." Negotiating Difficult Life Transitions Life is a process of beginnings and endings. In both life and nature, there are times when things move slowly and don't seem to change very much. Then, suddenly, things change quickly. Moving from August to September, the weather changes gradually at first, and then it seems that suddenly summer is over. It is the same in our lives; transitions are as natural as the changing seasons. Top Ten Things to Build a Bridge and Get Over God must love Top Ten lists because she made so many of them. They crowd my Inbox daily. They're right up there in popularity with offers to refinance my house and stock up on Viagra. Top Nine Lists are few and far between and Top Eleven lists unheard of. But for seem reason there seem to be ten nifty answers to pretty much any problem or life situation you can come up with. Anger: To Control or To Learn Many of us will do anything to avoid another's anger, yet may be quick to anger ourselves. Many of us dread another's anger yet continue to use our own anger as a way to control others. Our Perception Determines Our Experience Not long ago, I traveled back east to Ohio and Chicago. While I was there, I was amazed that the friends I made along my journey seemed to have completely different observations of the state in which they lived. Some Business Coaches are in Error Many business coaches deny the power of suggestion while using it. For instance a corporate inner circle will be told that they have inner conflicts with ethical practice due to the stockholders coming first, the customers coming second and employees coming third. They will tell the corporate management team that often what must be done short term to appease shareholders may not be good long term for employee units or quality of products to the end user. Yet this is linear thinking for some one who plays at a higher level in western culture and corporate America. Our goals is win/win/win. And if you will read Jim Collins book "Built to Last" you will see my point here. Make a Decision and Take Action! How are you progressing with the goals you set yourself this year? So Why Are They Really Here? It does make you wonder sometimes, doesn't it? You know the folks I'm talking about. The ones who seem to be wandering around in the middle of a fog bank. The ones without a clue apparently, as to what life is all about. We see their stories on the evening news, we hear about them from our friends or co-workers, we may even know some of them. Live Healthy - Six Steps To A Healthy Life Six steps we can take to reduce our risks for heart disease Theres Always Enough Time! I thought I'd begin this article by stimulating your mind with a little time trivia contest! Are you ready? Alright then, here goes.. Self-Defense Within Martial Arts Training Demands a Real-World Perspective This story is being offered in response to a request made by my teacher, Soke (Grand Master) Masaaki Hatsumi, during a recent training visit to Japan. During one of the training sessions, Soke was suggesting that everyone, regardless of rank, should make it a point to talk to those with actual combat experience and to learn from these people. The point was, if you do not know what a real fight is like, you will not be able to train properly for an authentic situation. Discovering Your Passion and Purpose "I can't seem to discover why I'm on the planet." Three Great Ways to Deal with Negative People 1. Do not believe everything you hear! Do You Trust Your Mentor(s)? It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." - Samuel Johnson Good, Good, Good, Good Intentions I always do a lot of thinking about good intentions in December. The Adventure Attitude Of the 60,000 people who lived to be over 100 in the United States in 2002, the single most important characteristic they had in common was their ability to be positive in the face of change. They were able to look at things objectively, put them in perspective and move on. They did not try to control the uncontrollable. Surviving, thriving and living a long happy healthy life may just depend on your ability to develop the Adventure Attitude.
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