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A Small Piece Of Carpet
Have you ever noticed how the way you feel about yourself sometimes depends on whether or not you get confirmation of your value from others? When you enter into challenging situations with a positive self identity you will discover that you are living your life with a greater sense of enjoyment and fulfillment. I have learned a lot about nurturing a positive identity of love and appreciation from the man who taught me to train dogs. Dogs and humans both have a "self identity" that determines perception of the world, behavior, and one's sense of self worth. Let me explain how my teacher nurtured a positive self identity in the dogs he trained. Frank had a very fascinating way of helping the guard dogs he trained, to feel respected, protected and loved, regardless of the situation/context they were in. Here is how he accomplished this. First of course, he started out by treating his dogs with love and respect, and by showing them an infinite amount of patience as they were learning. This of course is crucial. Then, the next thing he did was a true stroke of genius. He would cut a small piece of carpet for each dog he trained. He would place the carpet in the dog's sleeping area, for him to lie on each night. He would also take this carpet during the day and set it down in various locations, and sit the dog on the carpet, as he praised the dog for being good. Whenever he moved to a new location, he would have the dog stand up, and he would pick up the carpet and carry it to the new location, set it down, sit the dog down, and again, praise the dog for being a "good boy." Soon the piece of carpet took on the distinct odor of the dog, and Frank said that this led the dog to feel "at home" when sitting on the carpet. Next, Frank would teach the dog to pick up the piece of carpet himself, and carry it to wherever they were going. The dog would then set the piece of carpet down when they stopped, and sit on top of it, with Frank all of the time praising him for being a good dog. Now Frank said, "The dog begins to feel that he truly belongs in every place that he travels to, and no matter where he goes, he receives my love and appreciation. Soon the dog takes on this love and appreciation as the primary core of his identity." And I ask you now, if this strategy works so brilliantly with dogs, would the same basic strategy not work just as well with human beings? Ask youself, "What is the small piece of carpet you carry around with you wherever you go?" "Would your life not be very different if you changed your piece of carpet to one of self love and appreciation?" About The Author Charlie Badenhop is the originator of Seishindo, an Aikido instructor, NLP trainer, and Ericksonian Hypnotherapist. Benefit from his thought-provoking ideas and a new self-help Practice every two weeks, by subscribing to his complimentary newsletter "Pure Heart, Simple Mind" at http://www.seishindo.org/anger/index.html.
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Business Management Success at Work : People Skills : Complaining Do you know an individual at work who is a chronic complainer? Are YOU a chronic complainer? People don't like complainers. Listening to a chronic complainer gets people depressed. They prefer to associate with people that make them feel good. If you are always complaining about something, people will start to ignore you. The Power of Effective Coaching Skills The most valuable assets of a 20th century company were its production equipment. The most valuable assets of a 21st century organization will be its knowledge, workers and their productivity. -Peter Drucker Its Story Time! - Find the Power Within, or The Truth About Dogs I heard a story recently, and wanted to share it with you. It goes something like this: Making Changes in Your Personal Life Making changes in your personal life can be a tough process. Change starts with a thought. It cannot begin without one. However, what we think and dream is not always what those around us choose to envision for us. Be Better at Business And Lose Weight, Too! In business, individuals often secure the services of a success coach like myself to "fix" certain areas of their professional life. The desired fixes typically range from a desire for a promotion and/or a salary increase, to on-the-job performance enhancements, to improving one's personal productivity, to boosting one's level of enthusiasm about their job. Help! I Need to Make a Decision! Many people who come to my office say they have a difficult time making decisions. I have developed a process to help my clients master this skill. I recommend that people follow these four steps: Forget Resolutions - Craft A Life Theme That Works How many people do you know who, in January, enthusiastically name their resolution for the year yet somehow neglect to follow through with it a few weeks or months later? Forget making New Year's resolutions. They rarely work because they are often based on "shoulds" versus the bigger picture of your life. What I've found does work is creating a life theme for the year ahead. Your life theme will be your overriding intention or "big picture" focus for the upcoming months. It has an expiration date of December 31, when you'll get a chance to re-evaluate your direction. Having a life theme is like having a personal mission statement for your whole life, personal and professional, updated annually. A life theme works because it takes into consideration and connects all your intentions for the year in a succinct and powerful phrase. This collection of one to five words describes what you want to accomplish in all areas of your life and cements your main priorities with intended action. Discover Your Intentions Perhaps as you've explored who you are and what you want to create for your life, you've noticed that "Wellbeing" or "Wellness" has come up for you over and over. Or perhaps you've noticed more of a "Relationship" theme. Or maybe the word "Passion" has tugged at your heart repeatedly, or you've focused on "Patience." These are all great themes for the upcoming year. Through your own personal discovery, you may recognize that you haven't made time in your life for many friends, that your networks are weak and that you would like to have a social circle beyond your immediate family. Your life theme in this case could be "Connection." It may be you've realized that your life is far more filled with work and errands than with fun and play, and you want to fix that imbalance. Your life theme then could be "Energize." Feel the Magic Base your theme on what you find joyful and what you want to accomplish both personally and professionally. Your theme needs to strike an emotional chord with you and bring a smile to your face when your say it. You must own it. You must feel your theme's magic. It must propel you forward. Now take a few moments to reflect on the bigger picture vision you have for your life. What would you like to accomplish first? What will bring you joy and fulfillment with your work, your family, and your personal time? What is the essence of what you wish to experience in this upcoming year? When you have an idea of what it is you wish to create and who you want to "be," take some time to meditate or concentrate on developing your life theme. The right phrase for you may come to you immediately, or it may take some time to evolve. Brief is Best When the phrase does reveal itself to you, try to keep it to a maximum of five words. Brief is better. Feel the power of these concise life themes: "Let go. Rebuild. Move Forward. Growth and Independence. Balance and Follow-through. Connection. Stretch. Calm and Quiet." You might have to live with your life theme for a week before you know that it's the one that will speak to you for the next year. You will know when you've got it. Get Started Once your life theme is clear, write it down. Put it where you will see it every day as a reminder of where you are heading in 2005. Tell loved ones, friends and colleagues what your life theme is. The more often you say it and share the more real it will become. Every time you make a decision large and small put it through your life theme filter. If your theme is "connection" say yes to building friendships, social invitations and neighborhood parties. If your theme is "adventure and fun" perhaps you say no that new pair of shoes and yes to signing up for a rock climbing course. The most surefire method to ensuring you live your life theme is to ask yourself every morning when you wake "what can I do today to experience my life theme." The key to success is to be intentional with your thoughts and actions on a daily basis. By living intentionally and with purpose you'll never feel the need to make another New Year's resolution again. What Do You Have To Give? "Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It's a mental attitude. It comes from appreciating what we have, instead of being miserable about what we don't have. It's so simple-yet so hard for the human mind to comprehend." ~ Bits & Pieces More Money & Less Stress? At 2pm last Wednesday, I got a call from one of my clients. Before I could barely utter my "hello," she launched headlong into her story - "I am so frustrated! I have this client who has been dragging her feet at every stage of our project. I'm working on a branding campaign for her company and expected to be finished nine months ago, but every time we get to a stage in the project where the ball is in her court, I have to follow-up umpteen times and push and prod just to get her to move forward. In almost every case, it takes her about two months to do something that could have been done in a week. Then, two months later when she's finally finished with her part, she cheerily announces that she's ready for me to start the next phase and wonders how quickly I can do it. Every time this happens I have to completely reacquaint myself with her project. All in all, I've spent almost twice as many hours as I budgeted. How can I get her to wrap up this project so I can move on?," she finished. Freedom for All; Is it Possible? Freedom for all species and people, and freedom of stress; is it possible? Could the Internet be a tool to getting there? Why Daily Planning is So Important for Adults with ADD For adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), details are a drag. We tend to see the big picture and want to jump straight to the finish line, wishing we could skip all the steps in between. Unfortunately, this perspective often causes us to become overwhelmed when it's time to start a project. We know where we want to end up, but we don't know where to start. Home For The Holidays In my husband's family, family members send Christmas cards to other family members (parents to children, brothers and sisters to one another, etc.) even though the family always spends time together at Christmas for a meal and gift exchange. You Have A Choice I'm a relationship coach and, unlike most, I deal with those 'other' relationships. Of course, I make love happen without wings and an arrow, but I really make a difference with business relationships, family relationships, community relationships, old and stale relationships and all the rest that we take for granted, lost or forgotten. 4 Brilliant Tips to Speed Read Faster than Ever Many people, particularly students, would love to be able to absorb information faster. But before retaining information, they have to go through the first stage of learning, which is reading. Why Pacing and Leading is for Wimps! Okay, you have read some books on body language and they all said you must mirror and match, pace and lead.... Become More Self-Confident Signs of Self-Confidence The Amazing Secret To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness One of the biggest challenges to developing superior communication skills is that you already have your hands full in those situations where you need help. Take a typical scenario - meeting new people. Learn to Say No! How many times have you agreed to do something that you actually did not want to do? For someone at work? Your friends? Even your spouse? All you had to do was say no, but the word did not come out. So you end up doing it?and later resent it. The $10,000,000.00 Question When I asked my client, Amanda, what she would do if she won a $10,000,000.00 lottery prize, she quickly answered " I would move to Hawaii and sit on the beach all day." Wow, sounds great doesn't it? When I next asked her if she could see herself still sitting on the beach all day in five years, she raised her eyebrows and said " Gosh, probably not, I'd be bored." 6 Practices for Achieving Excellent Self-Care Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) often feel like they are running behind schedule, and just don't have the time get everything done. As a result, many ADDers end up sacrificing their own self-care in order to scratch off items on their to-do lists. Those who skimp on self-care, however, will find themselves slowed down in the end. It's nearly impossible to be an effective parent, spouse, friend, or worker when you are not operating at your best. And you can't be at your best when you are not taking care of yourself!
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