|
|
| Coaching Information |
|
|
Four Common Rapport Building Mistakes and How to Fix Them
1. Pretending You Are Interested When You Are Not Do yourself a favor and be honest with yourself and the people you spend time with. If you are really not interested in the topic of conversation say so. If possible change the subject or simply postpone that particular conversation until another time. Obviously if there is a danger of offending the other person you will have to be less direct. In these situations it helps to find out right away what the other person wants or expects from you. Ask! The conversation will right away become very relevant to you and maintaining interest is a lot easier. 2. Disliking The Other Person If you do not like the person you are talking to it will come across at some level. Ask yourself -- what could I like about this person? This will help put you in a better frame of mind. And look for things you have in common by asking yourself - how is this person like me? We all have something in common and commonality builds rapport. Look for it and you will find it. If you mechanically attempt to get rapport with people while secretly disliking them you will never get that deep rapport you are aiming for. In fact if your focus is on how much you dislike the person you will not even want rapport and instead you will be setting yourself up for conflict. 3. Wanting Rapport With Everyone You Meet I made this mistake when I first learned advanced communication skills. All of a sudden, for the first time, I was able to get rapport with anyone I met. So I did. And I recommend you do the same to a point. With one exception. There are some people you do not want to be getting deep rapport with. Take someone who is like a raging bull with a deep resentment and hate for themselves and other people. Do you really want to feel the same way? If you get deep rapport you will feel some of the same feelings. While you may need to be effective around such people keep your focus on your real goal. Deal effectively with the individual and maintain your own emotional state regardless of how upset the other person is. Pay attention to your emotional state when dealing with negative people, manipulative people and others who will drain your energy. With these people rely more on the weakest element of rapport - words. And manage your body language without following their lead. 4. Not Speaking Their Language We all have one primary sense whether it be visual, auditory or feelings based that dominates our perception of the world. You need to get good at spotting which modality other people use and match their world to get rapport quickly and easily. If someone is in a visual mode their words will be dominated by words that express what they see. For example the car is red with a white soft top and a huge back seat. Whereas the auditory person describes the car in a different way: it sounds like a lion roaring when you start the engine and the CD player fills the car with deep, rich sounds that dance around your ears. Finally the person most attuned to their feelings notices the smooth soft sensation of the leather seats and the warm firm feeling when they hold the steering wheel. If you use the wrong modality for the person you are talking to it makes it harder for him to understand you. You have to work harder to get rapport. And when you speak to several people at once make sure you use visual, auditory and feeling words to make sure you appeal to everyone. Make a point of paying attention to the dominant modality your friends and family use. And you may have a breakthrough when you finally discover why you are not getting deep rapport with some of them while more easily getting along with other people. About The Author Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm
Employment - Google News |
|
|
|
Business Management Two Pillows and One Dead Husband That's what I needed when I delved deeply into my first acting class. I was 60 years old and had a lifetime of experiences behind me but anger or rather the act of reacting to it was not in my skill set. Six Steps for Creating Work-Life Balance Today an increasing number of us are experiencing burnout, low productivity, insomnia, and stress related illnesses?undoubtedly due to a lack of balance between our work and personal lives. It's time to look at how we can create greater balance in our work and personal lives. What looks like balance to one person may differ for another because individuals have different goals, values and definitions of success. However, there are some common definitions of balance that include: Gullibles Travels A journey by a web-footed gull through a sea of sharks. Addiction to Blame Allen consulted with me because his wife of 18 years had threatened to leave him if he did not stop blaming her all the time. He admitted to frequently blaming her in a variety of situations. He blamed her if he thought she made a mistake, if he thought she was wrong about something, if he was feeling alone, or even if he had a bad day at work. He blamed her for asking him questions when he did not know the answer. He would sometimes even blame her if his golf game was off. He always blamed her when he felt judged by her, or when he did not get her approval. While he freely admitted that he blamed her, he could not seem to stop, and he had no idea why he blamed her. The Rewards and Risks Of Personal Freedom We all need to decide whether to "play it safe" in life and worry about the downside, or instead take a chance, by being who we really are and living the life our heart desires. Which choice are you making? Mentors and Coaches: How to Be a Great Mentee or Learner When you invest your time in being a mentee you will be rewarded with accelerated learning and experiences from your mentor. You will learn from and avoid the mistakes that they may have made, learn about your industry, meet great people, form valuable relationships and be able to mentor someone in your future. If your organisation offers a mentoring program, sign up and get involved. If there isn't a formal mentoring program, suggest one or identify people you would like to learn from and approach them about mentoring you. If you are going to approach someone about being your mentor make sure you present yourself professionally and show your prospective mentor that you are serious and committed by having a mentoring plan in place. Do You Trust Your Mentor(s)? It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." - Samuel Johnson The Power of Storytelling Each and every day as we are building our businesses, we all know the key to a successful presentation is a product being sold to the end-line consumer and/or sponsoring a new person. In this article, I am going to show you the difference between making a sale and having customer loyalty in the sales process. In the sales process, you are fighting many different types of animals. For most of us who are in direct sales, you have 45 minutes to present a product/business concept and make a person believe in you, your product, and more importantly have them make a decision that they want what you are offering. So Why Are They Really Here? It does make you wonder sometimes, doesn't it? You know the folks I'm talking about. The ones who seem to be wandering around in the middle of a fog bank. The ones without a clue apparently, as to what life is all about. We see their stories on the evening news, we hear about them from our friends or co-workers, we may even know some of them. Curse of Competence: How Being Good gets in the way of Becoming Great Just before the storms hit last winter, my father-in-law and I replaced 26 feet of fence on my property. I must say, for a couple of non-handyman-sorts like the two of us, it is a very well done fence. Executive Coaching -The Business Benefits Executive coaching is an investment for you and your business and you need to understand what returns you will get. How exactly will you benefit from it? Recreating Yourself So it's time for a change. You've taken that hard look in the mirror and you've decided that who you are is not who you want to be. Or perhaps you are standing at a fork in the road and where you would like to go requires that you make some changes. Maybe you are just really bored with your life as you've been in that same old rut for so long that you just want to scream if you spend another day doing the same amazingly boring things all over again. The reasons for change are as varied as the people making the decision to do so. The only thing you have to remember is that the change must come from you, not from someone else. And it can't be a gift to someone else, it won't work. Ultimately, recreating ourselves is a very personal choice and a very personal decision that others really can't help us with. Can You Say No? As a manager you are constantly being asked to do things - by your boss, by one of your fellow managers, by the head of another department, by one of your staff. How To Deal With People Who Dislike You When you read books on personal development and articles about making your life better the emphasis is generally on the positive. The Adventure Attitude Of the 60,000 people who lived to be over 100 in the United States in 2002, the single most important characteristic they had in common was their ability to be positive in the face of change. They were able to look at things objectively, put them in perspective and move on. They did not try to control the uncontrollable. Surviving, thriving and living a long happy healthy life may just depend on your ability to develop the Adventure Attitude. Do You Want to Impress Others? Then Don't Talk ?Listen Recently my friend Michelle was concerned about a professional conference she was planning to attend with her husband, a veterinarian. She has no background in veterinary science, so she did not think she would be able to effectively communicate with the people at the conference. I asked her why she thought she had to use technical jargon when she spoke to the other conference attendees. She responded that she wanted them to think well of her. Michelle is a warm, caring individual who is genuinely interested in others. I assured her that she could effectively relate to the people she met by asking them questions about themselves and their businesses instead of trying to impress them with her knowledge of veterinary science. Are You Seduced by The Dark Side of Wealth Creation? Get-Rich-Quick Scammers With the growing number of expert business people, consultants and coaches keen to make money from multiple streams of income I thought I'd share a WARNING to help you spot genuinely useful information from dangerous scams. Think Twice Before Youre Nice A few months back I had a disturbing dream. In my dream a woman with stringy blonde hair rang my bell. She asked if she could come in. I did not want to open the door. But I felt guilty about my reaction. So I let her in. She pulled out a hand gun and shot me. I woke with a start and a racing heart. I clutched my pillow and my life. My inner voice spoke immediately and sharply. "Politeness kills," it said. This was an extreme way to let me know I had to honor my boundaries. I've never liked the word "boundaries." It sounds like barbed wire or armored trucks. But I do like the feeling of listening to my intuition, respecting my inner instructions. And it feels appropriate and sacred to be mindful of my gold. I see many creative, incredible individuals who leak their strength and focus with amorphous personal boundaries. We want to be nice, helpful, and well-liked. But bear in mind that your time and attention are your personal reserves of oxygen and hydration. Time and attention create your life's dreams. Dreams keep your soul alive and contribute to all of humanity. I'd like you to create your life's dreams. That's why I'd like you to reflect on where you put your time and attention. You have a Responsibility to Yourself. You have a mission here. You have sacred work to do. No one but you knows what you came for. The people in our lives may not appreciate the work we feel compelled to do, the dreams we wish to give birth to. They may fling casual, loose, social standards your way, just like tossing horseshoes at a backyard barbecue. I used to have a hard time saying no to lunch dates and coffee. People would often say to me, "You have to eat, right?" and I'd feel found out and exposed, like I was hiding time from this person. And then I'd eat with them--and eat my heart out at the same time. Of course they were wonderful people. Of course I got value out of the time together. But that doesn't mean anything. I'd get value out of reading about the history of socks, too. But I had something specific I yearned to do. I wanted to write a book. I ached when I did not write. Every time I said yes to a lunch date, I said no to my dream. That became too wounding. I learned to say "No." It's not selfish to want to give time to your dream. Your dream will give love and energy into this world. I often think about the people I esteem in life. Mother Teresa had a guiding mission. Martin Luther King had a burning cause. They did not squander their energy or time by being polite. They gave in huge ways because they said no to little things. It's not Selfish to be Honest "I don't want to be selfish," said a client of mine recently who admitted not wanting to get together with a friend. "She needs me." Now there are times when someone needs us and we feel called to be there. That's wonderful. When we're called, it feels good to be there. It doesn't feel like an obligation. It feels like a secret mission or a privilege. But more often than not, someone "needs" us and we're afraid to decline. Here's the thing though. You can't change your feelings. When you truly don't want to do something, it's not doing anyone any favors to lie. Your energy doesn't lie. If you do something you don't want to do, you may just end up being late, angry, sarcastic, withdrawn, and, in general, as mild-mannered as a jackal or a jalapeno pepper. That ride to the airport will be no joyride. And nobody will get what they wanted. What if you could trust your feelings? What if you knew that if you honored your own needs, you would naturally increase your generosity? What if it's okay to just love what you love and dislike what you dislike and gravitate where you are drawn? Why do we secretly think we are being ruthless? What if we are being elegant? What if we are daring to live gracefully by daring to listen to our inner voice? What makes you think that your persistent feelings are wrong? I trust that your soul is pure and precious and knows your highest purpose. And I hope you listen to its promptings more than some sick, guilt-inducing nagging, sagging voice that makes you feel burdened inside. One voice will make you feel heavy and one will make you feel light. One is thudding in the wrong direction. And one is turning right. Your Real Relationships will Support the Real You Often times we're afraid to honor our boundaries, because we don't want to upset the people around us. Indeed some people will balk at your limits and may even suggest that your decreased availability is the first sign of Satan worship or advanced Narcissism. But real relationships support the real you. I have no doubt that my friends would prefer to hear from me more often than they do. But they prefer my authenticity and happiness even more. That's why they're true friends. Some individuals who seem to demand the most of us are energy vampires. They feed on your warmth and pay no heed to your needs. They will demand that you be giving. And you will never give enough. Recently while driving to Northern California where I had a speaking engagement, I decided to stop for a quick break. I chose to wander into a small boutique with painted scarves in its windows. When I got into the shop, the owner started telling me about the sales she had going. I nodded politely. She continued to tell me about the rugs she had imported from Turkey and I found myself hanging on every word though I did not want any rugs or details of her trip. Her enthusiasm kept me paralyzed. I only had a few minutes to stop here and look around. Finally, I excused myself and walked away. The owner followed me and kept talking. She refused to give me space. That's when I walked out of the shop. I decided I did not need to indulge someone who was not respecting me. I breathed in the salt air of that gorgeous ocean town and skipped back to my car. I felt like a fly who had escaped a spider's web. *** Always be kind. But think twice before you are "nice." Nice, is often a mask of pleasantness we put over negative feelings. Nice is often a form of self-rejection. Real kindness feels good. It's when we give because we want to give and we give in ways that respect everyone, including us. If you want to give to others, give truly. Give the exceptional gift of taking care of yourself and tending to your dreams. Give the love that can only come from you expressing your unrivaled talents and devotions on this earth. Follow your calling and draw lines when you must. Doing what matters should never be sacrificed for a false idea of manners. How to Deal Effectively with Anxiety Every human feels anxiety on occasion; it is a part of life. All of us know what it is like to feel worry, nervousness, fear, and concern. We feel nervous when we have to give a speech, go for a job interview, or walk into our boss's office for the annual performance appraisal. We know it's normal to feel a surge of fear when we unexpectedly see a photo of a snake or look down from the top of a tall building. Most of us manage these kinds of anxious feelings fairly well and are able to carry on with our lives without much difficulty. These feelings don't disrupt our lives. Masterminding Success - How to Start a Masterminding Meeting? Masterminding is about a group of like-minded, achievement-oriented individuals who come together to combine the power of several minds to tackle problems, seek advice and perspectives in achieving their goals.
|
| home | site map | 
|
| © 2006 www.elearn-university.com |
