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Why Pacing and Leading is for Wimps!
Okay, you have read some books on body language and they all said you must mirror and match, pace and lead.... And you failed miserably when you went out into the real world. Let me tell you why and what you need to do instead. But first a story that illustrates my point... A few years ago I moved into a very well paid position in the company where I worked. And in my new job I was dealing with company directors, business owners and senior executives -- face to face. And to make it all even more challenging I would meet them on their territory - in their offices. Teachers of pacing and leading would tell me to pace these executives and then to gradually lead them. However this is the 21st century where everything happens at warp speed. You need to take charge of social interactions within the first 5 seconds or its all over. First impressions do count. This applies in business and in your social life. If you hesitate, wait and even... pace and lead the game will be over before you know what has happened. Here is what you need to do: 1. Take Great Care of Yourself. Get enough sleep, eat well and take exercise that makes you feel good on a regular basis. Neglect your body and your emotional state will slide too. And before you know it you will not have the energy to rise to the occasion. Having tons of energy is absolutely crucial if you want to excel. When you feel fantastic it gets easier and easier to be at your very best whenever you choose to be. 2. Lead and then Pace! Instead of pacing and leading do this... Get yourself into a great emotional state FIRST. The other person will then follow your lead. The more energetic you are, the happier you are and the more confident you are --- the easier it is to lead the other person. You can lead in many ways including....
If as you read this you think - hang on, what has this got to do with communication? It has everything to do with it. 93% of communication is non-verbal. Remember that. That is why I place so much emphasis on mental and emotional states - if you donīt grasp this, knowing what to say will not matter because you will be gripped by fear, indecision and insecurity. 3. Take the Discussion Where You Want it to Go Many people are far too passive when it comes to making polite conversation. Why? Because you have unconscious rules that dictate what is acceptable. You may even have old patterns running in your mind that are no longer appropriate e.g. only speak when spoken to; donīt talk to strangers. I hereby give you permission to break these rules! The way to get started with being more adventurous is as follows... First of all, notice that you have a habit of letting other people dictate the flow of conversation. Then, in a small way start being more proactive and suggest new topics of conversation or new directions to go in. At this point do not concern yourself with whether or not the person you are talking to follows your lead. Just get comfortable with making suggestions. If you are already living these principles you are having great success in all your dealings with other people. If you are not -- you have room to get even better. Listen!. I was really not much good at dealing with people until I committed to mastering this crucial life skill. You can get better and you will when you aim to improve even a little each and every day AND you apply proven techniques. About The Author Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm
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Business Management COACHING: When it's Beyond Oprah and Dr. Phil How many more servings of the daytime self-help salad will it take to sooth your appetite? To actually get your life to where you want it to be? To actually start seeing changes for yourself rather than just on the tear-filled faces of Oprah's latest guests? Are You Addicted To Your Activities? Activities - such as sports, creative projects, reading, work, TV, meditation - can be a wonderful way to relax, express yourself, or connect to yourself. Or they can be an addiction. How can you know the difference? What Is A Personal Trainer Imagine stepping into the gym for the first time in your life. There are so many machines and gadgets. What do you do first? Is this one safe? Are you using it right? There are so many questions to ask about trying to get physically fit as well. How much should you push yourself? How much is too much? Its Story Time! - Find the Power Within, or The Truth About Dogs I heard a story recently, and wanted to share it with you. It goes something like this: Resolving Conflicts Effectively Every relationship has conflicts. In some relationships, conflict is a serious problem; in others, differences seem to be resolved without creating a major incident. What is the Success Lesson in this Story? One of my clients gave me permission to tell you his story. Successful Implementation of Company Wide Coaching Programmes Ten years ago I was fortunate enough to be heavily involved in the implementation of a company wide coaching programme, both as an employee who was to receive coaching but also as a manager and coach who was expected to regular coach my reports and my peers to enable them to achieve their objectives. I say, fortunate enough, because I found that when I was coached effectively I became really motivated and focused, and when I finally became a proficient coach, I again found it motivational in that I was able to support and enable my direct reports to achieve more. Help! I Need to Make a Decision! Many people who come to my office say they have a difficult time making decisions. I have developed a process to help my clients master this skill. I recommend that people follow these four steps: People Pleasing and How to Stop! "People pleasing can leave you feeling empty and taken advantage of." Deb Melton Executive Coaching The higher you climb the ladder in this organization, the less chance you have of getting feedback about your performance. The working rule of thumb is "the farther up you go, the stranger things get," especially in the way you are reviewed and rewarded. We seem to have time for everything else, but not time to give our top people the kind of reviews they need to help them develop. -Executive level controller Why We Need Executive Coaching Coaching Skills Introduction Mailey's Introspections [Monday, December 6th 2005] As I work with clients as their introspective Inner Peace/Relationship coach, an issue that has come to my awareness is the tendency we have as human beings to stray away from the present moment. Some people tend to live mostly in the past, some live in the future, while still others ricochet from future to past and back to the future again. Can You Say No? As a manager you are constantly being asked to do things - by your boss, by one of your fellow managers, by the head of another department, by one of your staff. How to Give Yourself a Check Up From the Neck Up When was the last time you did some dedicated physical exercise? An Example of Allowing a Desire to Arrive on Its Own I don't know why, but it seems we trip over the "allowing" part of the Deliberate Attraction formula more often than the other two parts. The Deliberate Attraction formula gives us a simple description of how to leverage the Law of Attraction so we can attract more of what we DO want and enjoy. The three steps are simply: Curse of Competence: How Being Good gets in the way of Becoming Great Just before the storms hit last winter, my father-in-law and I replaced 26 feet of fence on my property. I must say, for a couple of non-handyman-sorts like the two of us, it is a very well done fence. Still Wondering About Coaching? A friend called me the other day from Lower Alabama. He has followed my career as a coach with enthusiasm, and continually refers clients to me, and I'm sure has done his part for making coaching known in his neck of the woods. "Coaching has arrived," he said. "I just heard an ad for a coach on my local radio station." Key Questions for a Coaching Conversation There are 2 key skills that coaches need to be truly effective, the ability to listen (often for what is missing rather than what is said) and the ability to ask the right question at the right time. What Do You Have To Give? "Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It's a mental attitude. It comes from appreciating what we have, instead of being miserable about what we don't have. It's so simple-yet so hard for the human mind to comprehend." ~ Bits & Pieces A Coaching Secret I've told people for a long time that one of the "secrets" of coaching is forgiveness. Forgiveness takes your finger out of the dyke of the past so you can let the future flow. Buddha said, "forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past." It is an act of total volition, requiring only a softening of the heart. But how do you forgive the unforgivable?
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