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Make Your Life Easier?
'Have you read the Art of War?' someone asked me once. Fighting someone to get your way is definitely a valid strategy. But you don't need me to tell you about that one - we've all been arguing and manipulating to get our own way since we were born! And you may have noticed - often when you push, the other person pushes back! Wars have been fought, relationships lost, and many ulcers create with this kind of energy. This article is about the opposite approach - the art of fun surrender! Now many people who know me know I'm not usually the first person to use this approach! In fact I can often be a real control-freak. However, I've been noticing quite often lately how much fun it can be to surrender - and often you don't lose a thing!!! So, call this 'observations from a novice'... Surrender 1. I was getting very frustrated with pedestrians in Byron Bay. They cross the street anywhere they like, often without warning - it's like they think the whole of Byron is a mall! So there's been a power play evolving: they walk across the street in the face of my oncoming car, and sometimes I swear they even slow down to show me they have the right! So I drive right up to them - to make the point that I've got right of way, and they should at least look if they are going to stroll across the road. This week I decided to try something new: I decided that pedestrians have the right of way in Byron. That these are their roads, and they get to do what they want with them. In fact, I decided I'm lucky to be able to drive around Byron at all! So how different do you think my experience was yesterday in the car? I drove much slower, I watched for people everywhere. I even slowed down and waved people across when I could see they were thinking of darting across the road. Much more fun! Surrender 2. My partner Bronwyn cleans the kitty litter. I was ~stunned~ when she looked like she was about to throw the cat poo over the balcony onto our lawn! When I said 'What are you doing!!??', she replied that it smelled, she wanted to get rid of it in a hurry, and since it was raining we'd never notice it there and it would eventually disappear into the soil. Well - I gotta tell you - the part of me that tries to keep everything together - to keep things ordered and tidy - went nuts! I was furious at the idea of cat poo littered all over our beautiful lawn. Having spent years practicing boundaries in my own life and helping my clients do the same, I started with what I knew - albeit with a little charge attached: 'NO! That doesn't work for me. You can't throw cat poo over the balcony' Fortunately, within seconds I realised how dominating and controlling this was. I was scared and reacting. And in that moment it came to me: 'You know what? It's perfectly OK if you throw it over the side. But, I want you to know that I would really dislike it, and every morning I would go down and clean it off the lawn - which would make unpleasant work for me. But if you still want to do it, I'm OK with it'. And believe it or not - I meant it! Of course I couldn't imagine why anyone would continue to do it knowing it would create work like that for their partner - but the point was I was willing to handle it if that's what she decided. I surrendered instead of controlling the situation. And you know what? She hasn't done it since. Surrender 3. This is my favourite - names changed to protect the guilty!One of my good friends - George - was complaining to me about his roommate. 'I've tried everything to get her to clean. I've created lists of jobs, we've created cleaning schedules, and I've tried cleaning more as an example. Nothing is working, and it's driving me nuts!'. Clearly he was trying to control the situation - sound familiar? But the more he tried to get her to clean, the more excuses she came up with - and this guy is a powerful coach! When I asked him why he didn't just move out, he replied: 'But I love her to death. And other than this, I love living with her'. So together we created a completely opposite approach. The art of fun surrender. And here's what he went back to his roommate with: 'Jill, I love living with you. And I love you. I've been so hung up on this cleaning issue I've lost sight of that. I want you to know that if you never clean another thing I this house I'll be fine with that - in fact I'll handle it. I'm just glad you're my roommate'. Again - the key is he meant it. He realised that doing all the cleaning wasn't that big a deal for him, and he'd much rather have her in his life than 'get his way' over the cleaning. All he had to do was give up his position - to give up being 'right' about it. And the result? Hes still got an awesome friend in his life, not to mention peace! OK - enough examples. Let's take a look at your neck of the woods: Exercise: Apply This to YOUR Life' If you would like to completely eliminate a problem from your life - something that's been draining you, then try these three simple steps: 1) Notice where you are 'pushing' Are you arguing your point? Have you tried everything and the person still won't change? Do they not seem to be listening, or just ignore you? Are you desperately trying to get to sleep (fighting yourself)? Have you complained about it more than twice in one week? More than ten times this year? 2) Ask yourself: 'What if they did that forever, and I was OK with it? If I embraced it?' 3) Choose an action you can do that would handle it, instead of them having to handle it. Before you may have argued, got upset or stressed out. But now - what could you do that would just handle/accept the issue? To take responsibility for it? Not because you have to, but because it's more fun and will create more peace in your life? This week, make your life and someone else's life easier. Who's the lucky person? David Wood is a personal and business coach, and an original founder of the International Coach Academy - a global coach training school. Looking to become a life coach? Get your free copy of '50 Power Questions' to use with your life coaching clients, and to take charge of your own life. Download here: http://www.solutionbox.com/freedownload.htm And find out how these ordinary life coaches are making $30,000 to $1.4 million per year! Finally they share their secrets: http://www.10SuperCoaches.com
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Business Management The Tolerance Effect While working with a client several months ago, we went through a process of identifying areas of personal strengths and weaknesses. Through this exercise, we discussed various characteristics and ended up deciding that there was opportunity for improvement in her level of "tolerance". A funny thing happened after that. When she found herself in a situation that had previously triggered a negative reaction be it disappointment, irritation, frustration, anger or even animosity (usually focused on the person in the car ahead of her who didn't use their turn signal), the word "tolerance" would flash in her head and she could immediately change the way she reacted to the situation. Things Are Good Because I Say They Are The subject of positive self talk regarding our goals and dreams reminds me of the childhood story, The Velveteen Rabbit. The boy loves the toy so much that a magic fairy comes and turns the toy bunny into a real rabbit. She tells the bunny it has been loved so much that it has earned the right to be real. Addiction to Thinking Randall sought my help because he was stuck being miserable and had no idea how to get out of his misery. In his life he had experienced moments of great joy and sense of oneness with all of life, but those moments were infrequent. He wanted more of those moments but had no idea how to bring them about. More Money & Less Stress? At 2pm last Wednesday, I got a call from one of my clients. Before I could barely utter my "hello," she launched headlong into her story - "I am so frustrated! I have this client who has been dragging her feet at every stage of our project. I'm working on a branding campaign for her company and expected to be finished nine months ago, but every time we get to a stage in the project where the ball is in her court, I have to follow-up umpteen times and push and prod just to get her to move forward. In almost every case, it takes her about two months to do something that could have been done in a week. Then, two months later when she's finally finished with her part, she cheerily announces that she's ready for me to start the next phase and wonders how quickly I can do it. Every time this happens I have to completely reacquaint myself with her project. All in all, I've spent almost twice as many hours as I budgeted. How can I get her to wrap up this project so I can move on?," she finished. We Are Exactly Where We Choose to Be The idea for this month's newsletter came from an unlikely encounter: I recently had lunch with a new friend named Rick Rockwell. You may remember him as the bachelor from the first-ever reality TV show, "Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire?" Great Advice It never ceases to amaze me that every time I give a speech, do a seminar, or talk with people one-on-one, I get inundated with questions seeking the almighty answers to all that ails them. However, when I press them to come up with an answer to their own situation, they usually respond by offering their own solution right back to me. Freedom for All; Is it Possible? Freedom for all species and people, and freedom of stress; is it possible? Could the Internet be a tool to getting there? How to Make $100,000 Dollars as a Personal Trainer ? Part A for Attitude! My name is Greg Ryan. For the last twenty years I have counseled thousands of personal trainers, fitness directors and gym owners on how be successful in the health and fitness industry. No matter where I go in the world, no matter the size of the gym the biggest reason for their lack of success is all the same. My question is, "Do you want to be a mediocre Personal Trainer or do you want to be a GREAT one? Online Counseling - a Timely Happenstance Online counseling may be the latest and greatest improvement in therapy. It seems to be perfect for this fast-paced world with many workers who sit by their computer screens all day long. Yet, it is not limited to today's information technology workers or those whose work requires being online frequently. People Pleasing and How to Stop! "People pleasing can leave you feeling empty and taken advantage of." Deb Melton Dealing Effectively with Midlife Issues In this article we would like to help you explore the challenges and opportunities that come at midlife. You will have an opportunity to take a look at issues that are specific to the Baby Boomer generation. You will also have a chance to begin the process of your own midlife assessment with a list of questions presented at the end of the newsletter. We call this assessment the Midlife Checkup. Success: Cant Achieve It By Yourself? Pay A Professional! So many people go through the motions of trying to achieve success. But just going through the motions doesn't work. And while you may fool a few people for a little while, you can't fool yourself. If you truly want to be successful and can't achieve success by yourself, do the smart thing and pay a professional to help you. A Murder Mystery Puzzle for You to Solve Anybody who has visited my website at Motivation & Self Esteem for Success or has read any of the many articles I have written will realise what a proponent I am of reading books and educating yourself. If you want to become successful at anything you simply must do this, in my opinion. Some Business Coaches are in Error Many business coaches deny the power of suggestion while using it. For instance a corporate inner circle will be told that they have inner conflicts with ethical practice due to the stockholders coming first, the customers coming second and employees coming third. They will tell the corporate management team that often what must be done short term to appease shareholders may not be good long term for employee units or quality of products to the end user. Yet this is linear thinking for some one who plays at a higher level in western culture and corporate America. Our goals is win/win/win. And if you will read Jim Collins book "Built to Last" you will see my point here. Anger: To Control or To Learn Many of us will do anything to avoid another's anger, yet may be quick to anger ourselves. Many of us dread another's anger yet continue to use our own anger as a way to control others. Why Things Are The Way They Are Things are the way you think they are, because you think they are that way. An interesting statement I know, but let's break it down a bit if you will, and see what this Really means. 10 Things I Wish I Would Have Known Before I Went Into the Real World I must confess, I laughed when I saw that Maria Shriver has come out with a book called, "Ten Things I Wish I Had Known Before Going Into The Real World." The real world? Come on, she grew up a Kennedy and married the biggest action movie star of all time! That aside, it got me to thinking: What are ten things I wish I would have known before going out into the real world? So, here they are... How Empathy Can Reduce Your Anger Jim, a 42-year old engineer was teaching his eight-year-old son how to fly a radio-controlled airplane. As the airplane was taking off, Jim instructed his son to push the control stick on the radio to the right. He did and the airplane turned to the right. Are You Addicted to Anger? Michael was raised in a home where anger was used to control. His parents used their anger to attempt to control each other as well as their children. Sometimes the anger erupted into violence and Michael and his siblings would get physically hurt. Michael never knew when one of his parents would suddenly become enraged, so the threat was always there. Fear of Intimacy Emotional intimacy is one of the most wonderful experiences we ever have. Nothing else really comes close to the experience of sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings with another, of being deeply seen and known, of sharing love, passion, laughter, joy, and/or creativity. The experience of intimacy fills our souls and takes away our loneliness.
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