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Do You Want to Impress Others? Then Don't Talk ?Listen
Recently my friend Michelle was concerned about a professional conference she was planning to attend with her husband, a veterinarian. She has no background in veterinary science, so she did not think she would be able to effectively communicate with the people at the conference. I asked her why she thought she had to use technical jargon when she spoke to the other conference attendees. She responded that she wanted them to think well of her. Michelle is a warm, caring individual who is genuinely interested in others. I assured her that she could effectively relate to the people she met by asking them questions about themselves and their businesses instead of trying to impress them with her knowledge of veterinary science. Many people, especially in business situations, are very concerned about what they say to others. Before an event, they might even think of things to say about themselves so others will perceive them in a positive light. They try to dazzle people with stories about their successes hoping this will impress them. What they may not realize is that most of us are not that interested in the accomplishments of other people. We are, however, very interested in our own achievements and we relish the opportunity to describe them (often in great detail) to anyone who will lend an ear. Unfortunately, we don't usually get the chance to do so because most people are more interested in talking than listening. Listening is an under appreciated aspect of communication. When you carefully listen to others, you impress them in ways that talking can never accomplish. You are letting them know you care about them and they appreciate it. How many people have come up to you lately and said, "You're listening to me too intently. You're valuing what I say too much. You're making me feel too good, so stop it now!" I don't think you've had a long line of people with this complaint and I doubt that you ever will. People are starving for the attention that conscious listening can give. These people include prospects, clients, supervisors, co-workers, family and friends. Most people are so unaccustomed to being listened to that when someone takes the time to do so, they are often amazed. My friend Sandy is a professional coach. She listens carefully to what her clients say about their fears, hopes, and dreams. When she relates back to them what they have just said, they will often respond "How did you know that? You're so intuitive. You have such great people skills." They attribute Sandy's comments to the fact that she must be a tremendously talented coach to be able to know them so well when, in fact, all she did was listen. The key to being an outstanding communicator is not so much the words of wisdom that come out of your mouth, but how well you listen to the words of wisdom that come out of the mouths of others. As for Michelle, she listened intently to the people that she met at the conference and soon had them eating out of her hand. About The Author Della Menechella is a speaker, author, and trainer who inspires people to achieve greater success from the inside out. She is a contributing author to Thriving in the Midst of Change and the author of the videotape The Twelve Commandments of Goal Setting. She can be reached at della@dellamenechella.com. Subscribe to free Peak Performance Pointers e-zine - send blank e-mail to mailto:subscribe@dellamenechella.com.
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Business Management How Stella (Laurie) Got Her Groove Back! Being a Life Strategy Coach doesn't mean I'm always on top of my game, completely balanced and without my own challenges. Building a website, writing an e-book, getting a newsletter off the ground and securing clients required a great deal of work and commitment. Have a World-Changing Conversation I know what you are thinking? "Here I am, completely stressed out and overworked, and here's Barbara telling me that I can change the world by having a conversation! Really?the heat must have fried her brain?" Drop and Gimme Ten! Every one of us have dreams, desires and goals that we put on the shelf. In front of them are a litany of excuses -- but not one reason -- why they aren't being pursued. Here are among the most popular: Flying in the Slow Lane Dogs distrust hot air balloons. I gathered this tidbit as my husband and I floated over the mountains in a wicker gondola, listening to the barking chorus that followed us even 3,000 feet into the air. The burner evokes canine protest -- but we had no problems, as we drifted with the currents and contemplated the silent fog in its morning retreat over the hills. We learned that a mere a six foot rise in altitude can change your direction, if your vehicle is a hot air balloon. We learned that the tops of trees look a lot different from above, and birds look surprised if you greet them in their nest. We waved reassurance to cows whose moos voiced concern at our strange presence overhead and we called "good morning" to the folk who blessed us with their waves. "Are those sheep?" my husband wondered, pointing to toy animals far below. "No," said our pilot placidly. "Cows." They turned out to be horses, but who cared. For the duration of our flight, nothing mattered, and that was perhaps the biggest lesson of the morning. Letting go of anxiety. Letting go of fear. Letting go of expectations. Letting go of everything -- except the absolute pleasure of quiet flight, confidence in the balloonist's competence, and sensitivity to the beauty of that is our gift for living in these hills. Take a hot air balloon ride. Treat yourself to a massage. Walk in the early morning dew. Listen ?really listen-- to the insects, the birds. Smile at a cat you haven't met. Take time for the slower things and Life will find a thousand ways to turn the blessing back to you. Maureen Killoran, 2005 Attitude is Contagious - Would Anybody Want Yours? Are you using the Life Potential you have been given? Or are you just existing? Im Gonna Die MY Way My wife says I have the strangest taste in movies. You see, there are movies I can watch again and again, which she could not sit through once. One of them is Rhinestone, starring Sylvester Stallone and Dolly Parton. Your Responsibility The other day I decided to skip cooking dinner and ordered fast food, and I ended up finding an insect on it. My husband and I were shocked, grossed out, disappointed, and I do not know what else. Attention! Thought Crossing! Or, The Secret of What's Between Your Ears What are you thinking - right now? 'I'm reading your article!' you say. Well, take a little bit of a closer look. What's spinning in the back of your mind? Is it that big deadline that's looming at the end of the week? Or how you are going to deal with your mother-in-law this weekend? Or maybe you are worrying about your finances? Gullibles Travels A journey by a web-footed gull through a sea of sharks. Could You Be A Workaholic? If you need to put on boots and grab a lap-top computer to relieve yourself at night, you might be a redneck workaholic. How To Deal With People Who Dislike You When you read books on personal development and articles about making your life better the emphasis is generally on the positive. Sometimes, It Just Takes ONE Conversation to Change Your Life! I was thinking this morning about the importance of the profession that I am in. Besides doing various trainings, workshops and consulting, I also coach people. Coaching is a profession that continues to develop but it originally came out of the self help industry. Many of the first coaches were publicists, consultants, sales professionals, and financial advisors. Much of what these people loved about what they did was helping people figure out how to achieve their best. The Enchantment of Tribes to Belong To I am remembering and have a desire to share with you, a beautiful story told to me by a young lady. It was the end of the World War II and her dad was returning home. He came from a very close network of Italian families that lived near each other in New Jersey. How to Make $100,000 Dollars as a Personal Trainer Part B for Business! My name is Greg Ryan. For the last twenty years I have counseled thousands of personal trainers, fitness directors and gym owners on how be successful in the health and fitness industry. No matter where I go in the world, no matter the size of the gym the biggest reason for their lack of success is all the same. My question is, "Do you want to be a mediocre Personal Trainer or do you want to be a GREAT one? Coaching for Results He's a very successful sales manger who craves results. He can't be bothered with people who don't produce. They are losers. He always produces the numbers year after year. The question is does he do it through bullying or coaching? 7 Steps to Take Control of Your Life Taking control of your life is getting in touch with your values, setting meaningful goals and identifying your vision. To be in control of where life is taking you means being more productive, dealing more effectively with stress, having the ability to solve problems, handing change and developing healthy optimism. Start with these 7 steps and you are on your way. Do You Want to Make More Money as A Life Coach There's a lot of coaches out there not making any money, looking for opportunities, trying to model what others are doing, networking like crazy, researching, visualizing, affirming and hoping? yes, hoping that the clients show up before the bailiffs. Do You Need a Performance Coach? In today's fast paced world, we are often confronted with the issue, "I want to get in shape, but I just don't have the time!" We all have faced it at one time or another. So, when we finally decide to get in shape we go to the gym, and then another decision hits us. Should you get a personal trainer? That would speed up the process, I mean, they have taken massive amounts of time to study the body, and know how best to work out without hurting yourself. They can help you with a proper diet, implementing exercise into your lifestyle, etc. Also, I do not know of a single professional athlete who does not have a coach or mentor?get the hint? What in the World is Life Coaching? In my speaking engagements I have often compared coaching today to psychotherapy in the 1920s. The level of public understanding of coaching, outside of people in a certain socio-demographic category, is still in its infancy. We are all so saturated with the language of psychoanalysis it's difficult to read a book or watch a movie that isn't premised on this shared language that we probably don't consider there was once a time when practitioners were asked: How to Create Your Ideal Life - Excerpt from Individual Power When I lost it all, I felt powerless. During my darkest hours, I wrote letters to God asking "why?" I received answers in writing.
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