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The Self Development Tool Box
Do you have a self-development toolbox? Do you have a standard set of instruments or mechanisms that you use to delve into your inner self? Just asking yourself those questions makes you think, doesn't it? That is because questioning is the most powerful tool in your self-development toolbox. When we start on the self-development path it is usually because we have asked ourselves a question: who am I, what is it I want, why am I in this position, when can I change, where will this happen and how can I make it happen? Questions can be about us or about others and are used as identifiers. Who do I want to be? Who is standing in the way? Who will support me in this? Who can provide information? We bring clarity to our quest by asking What. What is standing in the way of resolving this issue? What can I do about this? What is my next step?" Answering the What questions moves us another step forward on the path to change. If you have ever been in the presence of a three year old for any length of time, you know that their favorite word is Why. The Why question brings them new information and helps them to understand the workings of a world that is new to them. It can be the same for us in the self-development process. Why do I feel this way? Why do I react like that? Why does this seem hard? Why can't I get motivated? To take action we need to ask the When question. When will I start? When will this happen? The answers to When questions create timetables and guidelines to follow. When putting a roast into the oven we need to know when it will be cooked. Knowing when the roast will be done moves us to have the table set and the vegetables cooked at the appropriate time. When questions motivate. Where do we want our self-development quest to take us? If we don't know where we want to go we will surely have a hard time getting there. And, if we don't know where we have been how will we know where we want to go. Where questions raise our awareness. Where do I want to be one year from now?five years from now? Once we know who, what, why, when, and where we need to know how. How can I accomplish this? How should I start? How will I feel when I am there? How questions help us to create a plan for action. Trial lawyers always say, "Never ask a question you don't know the answer to." It is exactly the opposite in the self-development process. Queries you don't know the answer to are the ones that will bring you the most new information about who you are, where you are and who and where you want to be in the future. Questions can stimulate a deep thought process and can bring us to places of discovery and revelation we wouldn't otherwise reach. If you want to: make a change, find a solution, clarify your thinking, identify a goal or learn more about the real you, just delve into your toolbox and pull out the questioning tool. It works every time! Beth Densmore is a Personal Life Coach who offers support, inspiration and motivation to those who are in transition and want to achieve a goal. For more information and more free articles like this, visit her site at http://www.newfocuscoaching.com Authors Note: Feel free to use this article for your web-site or e-zine as long as it remains unaltered (including the "about the author" info), and you send a copy of your reprint to beth@newfocuscoaching.com.
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Business Management Life Coaching for Success and Fulfilment We live in a world of rapid change and uncertainty. Nothing is as it was even ten years ago. This means there is major pressure on all of us to change, everything is speeded up; we have to learn fast or risk being left behind. All areas of life are affected. Relationships lack commitment, health can no longer be taken for granted, financial security can disappear over night. Careers are insecure, global security is challenged and stress is at an all time high. We have more choices in life than ever before. So how do we find stability and manage choice in this fast changing world? Tame The Financial Beast Are holiday bills surprising you? Are you hoping that if you ignore your finances long enough, maybe they will fix themselves? Guilt: Is it Getting in the Way of Your Self-Care? When Do We Usually Feel Guilty? When: Coaching May Be For You Are you looking for someone who will hold you accountable to achieving your goals? Career coaching and mentoring may be what you need to accomplish what you really want in your career. Your friends and family certainly love you and want the best for you, but they can't always make the time to devote the necessary hours you may need to achieve your objectives and goals. Your friends and family have objectives and goals that they are looking to achieve as well. Gullibles Travels A journey by a web-footed gull through a sea of sharks. Our Worst Enemy Who do you consider as your worst enemy? The criminals roamingthe dark streets? Your boss who's killing you mentally andemotionally with stress and harsh words? The people in office who are engaging in graft and corruption, instead of helpingthose in need? Business Coaching Legacy: Reflections on What You Want to Leave Behind? Updating my will has been on my mind for quite some time now. Life circumstances change, kids grow-up, financial situations changes. I procrastinated for a very long time about this will. Now that it is, I feel very satisfied and pleased. There is peace in that corner of my mind that nagged and nagged about it for so long. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to realize that people, myself included, avoid making out wills because they don't want to confront their own mortality or have to face up to making difficult decisions. Burn-Out ...Whats Next? If you feel the heat of burn-out, it is possible to stop the fire before it stops you. Should I Get A Coach? Why should or would someone hire a life coach? Well, why would anyone purchase the services of a personal trainer, and interior designer or a sports coach - any professional "assistant" for that matter? After all, we all know how to exercise, how to hang a curtain and how to play our own game. But we hire a professional because we know that they will hold us accountable on our goals and objectives - and since we're paying good money for them to be there, often whether we show up or not, we have an added incentive to do so ourselves. We also understand that even though our knowledge of what we're doing may be strong, a professional always has tips, tools and tricks at their disposal which can save us time, aggravation and money. And we get that even the best of best can't "see themselves" from the outside and don't have the objective standpoint about their skills and abilities that a trained and experienced professional can bring to bear on any given situation. COACHING: When it's Beyond Oprah and Dr. Phil How many more servings of the daytime self-help salad will it take to sooth your appetite? To actually get your life to where you want it to be? To actually start seeing changes for yourself rather than just on the tear-filled faces of Oprah's latest guests? How To Overcome Stuck States In Personal Growth Although many of us use self-help tools like affirmations, visualizations, NLP techniques, and spiritual invocations, we sometimes find that nothing happens. This, to say the least, is disheartening. After many years as a psychotherapist, I found that the brain can be compared to a computer. Since the computer was founded to replicate some of the features of our brains, the analogy also works the other way. In a computer, a corrupted file, a virus, or any other type of malignant software is sufficient to slow the computer down, create frequent crashes, and cause difficulties in opening certain files. In a brain, a negative decision based on some troubling event is sufficient to create internal resistance. This resistance is unconscious and often defies the most valiant efforts by the conscious mind to defeat it. While working in therapy or holistic practice is an excellent way to overcome blockers, internal feedback loops that prevents forward progress, it isn't always convenient and affordable to find the right person when you need him or her. What do we do to move forward when we feel stuck? How do we debug the brain? And how do we do it on our own? In pondering this question, I came across this marvelous technique by Karol Truman in her amazing book, Feelings Buried Alive Never Die? She has created a script that speaks to your unconscious mind using a spiritual perspective. It's deliberately convoluted and confusing to the conscious mind so that the unconscious gets to work. Also, you don't feel anything after you are done, since it's below the radar of your usual awareness. I'll give it to you here to try out. And, incidentally, if you feel that it doesn't work, recognize that this too is resistance and work on releasing your doubt (which is basically a fear of failure.) Spirit, please locate the origin of my feeling/thought of feeling negative about (insert the feeling or belief you want to release here). Take each and every level, layer, area and aspect of my be-ing to this origin. Analyze and resolve it perfectly, with God's truth. Come forward in time, healing every incident based upon the foundation of the first, according to God's will; until I'm at the present, filled with light and truth, God's peace and love, forgiveness of myself for my incorrect perceptions, forgiveness of every person, place, circumstance and event which contributed to this feeling/thought. With total forgiveness and unconditional love I delete the old from my DNA, release it, and let it go now! I feel (insert the way you want to feel here). I allow every physical, mental, emotional and spiritual problem, and inappropriate behavior based on the old feelings to quickly disappear. Thank you, Spirit, for coming to my aid and helping me attain the full measure of my creation. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you and praise God from whom all blessings flow. Belief Management - The Missing Ingredient? "Joan, I'm working so hard and I'm not getting anything done!" I have heard some version of this cry of frustration by many an entrepreneur. It's a common complaint voiced by those of use who sought the freedom to have complete authority over our schedules, only to find ourselves unwittingly shackled by old ways of operating. Embracing Excellence Joey rises before dawn to pack his lunch, eager for morning to arrive so he can board the city bus that transports him to his job at a souvenir production facility. From 8:00 a.m. until 5:00 p.m., Joey applies decals to souvenir collector spoons. Much like an artist applying brush to canvas, Joey peels a self-sticking decal from its wrapper, painstakingly centers it over the base of the spoon and slowly presses it on the metal. If the decal is not perfectly centered, he peels it off and starts over. Joey glows with pride over the racks of completed spoons, ready to be packaged for shipping to retail stores. How Coaches Find Clients Online At a recent networking meeting Jana asked for a recommendation for a public speaking coach. She was starting to speak in front of audiences, and wanted to polish her presentation skills a bit. Before anyone else got a chance to reply, Elise jumped in to recommend her coach, Kelly. "I have been working with Kelly for two months, and I have already seen results from working with her. I am much more confident during my presentations, and I see that my audience is more engaged and more responsive. She is great; I will e-mail you her contact information later today." Listening Skills In Relationships Recently, when out to dinner with another couple, my husband is surprised at what someone says about one of our neighbors. He even comments this to the person about his amazement. Less than one week later, my husband comments to me he wonders about this very situation. After asking him, "Well don't you remember Sean told you that?" "No. I must have been in a conversation with someone else then." I just torque my jaws and change the subject because I just don't want to have this conversation about listening again. That Little Bit Of Extra The "little bit extra" is a very powerful concept to put into practice today in every aspect of your life. The difference between being ordinary and being extraordinary is that little bit EXTRA. The little bit extra is what separates average performers from CHAMPIONS! Six Steps for Creating Work-Life Balance Today an increasing number of us are experiencing burnout, low productivity, insomnia, and stress related illnesses?undoubtedly due to a lack of balance between our work and personal lives. It's time to look at how we can create greater balance in our work and personal lives. What looks like balance to one person may differ for another because individuals have different goals, values and definitions of success. However, there are some common definitions of balance that include: 7 Steps to Take Control of Your Life Taking control of your life is getting in touch with your values, setting meaningful goals and identifying your vision. To be in control of where life is taking you means being more productive, dealing more effectively with stress, having the ability to solve problems, handing change and developing healthy optimism. Start with these 7 steps and you are on your way. THE Step to Working Smarter (Japanese Style) Remember that Coke contest from the 80s? If you collected bottle tops that had the letters to spell T-H-E R-E-A-L T-H-I-N-G, then youd win a zillion dollars. Emotional Dependency or Emotional Responsibility Emotional dependency means getting one's good feelings from outside oneself. It means needing to get filled from outside rather than from within. Who or what do you believe is responsible for your emotional wellbeing?
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